Be yourself, don't try to fit in. The more you try to be 'one of the gang' the less you will be. In fact you're more likely to be ridiculed than accepted. You would be amazed at how many people go to join in with big groups and it looks like it's the thing to do to be accepted, yet most don't want to be there at all!
I've been down that road, don't bother being one of the sheep, be the Wolfske!
Have fun,
Mal.
Originally posted by gadget51
Be yourself, don't try to fit in. The more you try to be 'one of the gang' the less you will be. In fact you're more likely to be ridiculed than accepted. You would be amazed at how many people go to join in with big groups and it looks like it's the thing to do to be accepted, yet most don't want to be there at all!I've been down that road, don't bother being one of the sheep, be the Wolfske!
Have fun,
Mal.
Thanks for your feedback ♦
I'm always myself so that's probably why I don't like the big groups .. it kinda feels like you are going to be yourself and just like a small part so the group will get divided anyway.. Also have a lot of friends though so .. I think I'm gonna try to go out with other friends to see what happens .. Me and my regular friends just like different stuff when it comes to parties I guess (also the very different taste in music) ♦
I did see many people do what you just said though and indeed they never seem 'real' you just see that they are trying to fit in and it never works 
I really noticed it when we were 15 .. at that time you had to be part of some 'subculture' or something .. When I was younger I was one of the skaters .. I really liked the music and the style so I felt comfortable (and I also really liked skating) .. But when we were 15 most guys became the guys who acted though and who listenned to techno music and stuff .. I really didn't understand what happened atm .. and at that point I realized that even though they were this 'group' they were also ridiculing eachother. Everybody started ridiculing everybody so I decided that wasn't me at all and I dropped out of that friend group immediatly 
I think for many people it's hard to be themselves though .. I know between 15-18 I really had something like an identity crisis like many young people do .. When it's actually really simple .. you are who you are and you like what you like .. you can change , but only if the intended goal is something that will satisfy your needs and in some ways also the people around you who you like.
So the going out stuff it's not really about not trying to be myself , but it's more about would I meet interesting people when I do ? Would it be an adventure ? Would it become something I enjoy (because I think it can) ? Would it give me more social life (even though it isn't bad I'd like to have a little more ?
I think the question is not just do I like to party ? I think it's also about just coming out of my comfort zone and going out with friends I usually don't go out with Probably will try it but I'm not sure who and where ..
I will never change myself , but maybe if I get out of my comfort zone I will meet new people who like 'myself' and whose 'myself' I like ..
Man I could write a theory about this and there should be a 'myself' chapter in it ♦
The questions you ask and what you write is pretty interesting. For me at least.
Well I never asked myself really deep about this topic, but I think I feel the same way. So… reading you just initiate for me the thinking process. Now I'm gonna think about it, but I think what you say is just true. It's just… not clear enough. Well, I mean, it's confusing, like in my head right now.
You want to meet a lot of people, but you don't like to be part of a big group. That's funny because, when i was 15, I had a lot of friends, I feel very well to be part of a pretty big group, even several groups. But when I went to university, I never felt that again. I know people in my class, but, that's all, I don't feel really good with them. They're not the kind of friends I like.
So now, I don't have really good friends with whom I feel really good. That's the same with girls by the way, I don't see girls I'd like to go out with. And, last year, I met a girl who wasn't at all part of my usual social circles, she was pretty awesome, I went out with her, that was great etc etc.
What I want to say is that I felt like no girl was good enough for me, but though somewhere it appeared that finally there were one. I think this is the same with friends. We are friends with people we meet in our life (during our sport activities, our passion activities (like poker), our job, etc…). So… that's often the same types of people. It exists a lot of different other people in other place that we don't know at all because we don't meet them.
I feel that my english is very bad, I hope you'll still understand me.
And… Why do we want to meet a lot of people, to have a lot of friends ? To have fun, right. But we don't need to have tons of friends to have fun. So… I think we want a lot of friends because : we can have fun in different ways, and because it's very interesting to talk with very various and different people, with different beliefs, different lifes. We need diversity. So when all our friends are, for example, from our université, we don't have a lot of diversité, because we all study the same thing and we almost all want to do the same things. We can have 1000 friends like that, it won't be enough.
We want to have a wide variety of friends. That is interesting, and that way we can have fun in some many different ways. That is cool !
Well… I can be wrong. It just came into my mind when I was reading you, but I couldn't set words on it, but it helps to write it down. I hope it can help you as it did for me. And I apologize again for my bad english, I'm not used to write in english, I know that I have a lot to do to improve, but I hope I can improve by practicing !
Hi charles, don't apologize for your english it's very decent !
I think you made some interesting points about meeting new kind of people in new places you normally won't go to ! I think it's true what you say. Diversity sounds awesome .. maybe I got a little bored of my regular friends and I need a new challenge (more diversity).
I believe people have 2 kinds of friends (probably even more) .. trust-friends (true friends) and fun-friends (party-friends). Most of my friends are the former ... I've got many people whom I can trust and who can trust me. Once when I was 15 we had some sort of 'social activities' class and it was about social development of the students.
Well I was in a class full of people I actually didn't really like (except for my best friend) ... I also kept good social contact with them though, didn't lie or fake it .. just respect them. At the end of the people we voted for several stuff the teacher would read a statement and students could give 2 names of the fellow students.
As I expected I wasn't really a popular student (as I didn't like the class I didn't really care :P) but then something came up and I still talk about it almost 10 years later ... It was a vote about 'Who would you tell a secret to asuming it is safe with this person'. To my surprise I kinda clearly won it ... So even though I didn't like people and they didn't really like me (well you know what I mean with the word 'like' here right?) still they thought they could trust me with their problems. I think that was nice to discover ! And I also think that's really important.
Also at college people would trust me ... In my last year a girl said to me she had big house problems, once was raped and all that stuff .. suddenly she panicked because she almost never told anyone and she couldn't understand why she told me
In university a now good friend of mine (girl) told me she used to have a disease wic,h made her bald for years ...
Or at my new work a girl told about her mom committing suicide (I think the others still don't know) just after a few weeks. One other girl who once mocked the fact that people trusted me (she basically said she would be surprised if she told her secrets to me) told me very private stuff about her life just a month later
So kind of proud of that many trust friends (wich is very nice) but not so many party-friends ♦
Baaaaad week.
Did learn some stuff through my book, even the content in my blog will change. I will keep you guys updated on my progress saturday.
short story:
- problems with waking up @ 7
- problems with exercising
- sometimes small motivational problems
- problems with work project
No problems with poker though
No problems with food
No problems with reading book
Hello Wolfske,
Maybe you should try to do one thing at a time ? One week where you focus on waking up at 7, then on exercising, and so on…
I always struggled to do some exercise, but since last Saturday I focus on doing a 15 min jogging every morning. And I did, even if on Monday, and Thursday (and even those 2 last days) the weather was terrible, it rained a lot and I was totally wet when I arrived at home. But I'm very proud now, I know I can do it, I know it's not that hard, and very soon I'm gonna focus and something else.
Small but sure steps.
For the motivational problems, I think there is no perfect solution. I think that we have to try to get always high level of energy, and that's mainly what gives us motivation. If we don't have energy, we can always talk with our brain, but that stupid lazy brain always win.
Oh and… By the way, I found that doing some relaxation helps me to win against my stupid lazy brain. I don't know how, but one morning, I was to lazy to go to my 15 min footing, and I did the 2 min relaxation on www.calm.com. And I was like… very "clear" in my head. I know that the jogging was the good thing to do and the lazy brain had shut up.
Hi Charles, thank you for your input. It's really helpfull !
So I just watched the movie 'the pursuit of happyness' again. It's a movie that really moves me .. it makes me feel emotions and life and it inspires me. Because I feel inspired I thought it was a great moment to review last week and see why it went terribly wrong.
For starters I'm not feeling bad about it ... I did feel bad just a few moment ago but it's the past and there is nothing for me to do but to accept the fact that I lost time and learn from it so it is not entirly lost.
So what happened last week ? Most of the time still woke up but I didn't keep regular timing in .. sometimes it was 7 sometimes it was 8 .. it's still an improvement but I know I could do better.
I didn't play poker for 4 days now .. it's not a complete disaster but it's not what I planned. It's not to be taken lightly as I really want to become a good player.
I didn't do many otherr things the last few days except for reading.
Wel I didn't do this and I didn't do that. But as I see know I'm focussing on the wrong stuff. I should be focussing on what I did do and what I can improve.
Maybe my goal was a little to high and I tried to change too many thing as Charles said (and I believe he's right) but I feel so determined that I'm able to change so many things at once right now that I'm still going to try and keep it up ! I believe in myself, I have potential and I shall not fail. I will fall on my face, not once, not twice but maybe a thousand times but I will stand up and succeed. Not because I have to, I don't have anything to prove. But because I can and because I want to !
This week I learned that my planing ability is a complete disaster. Even though my book said I shouldn't plan like that I want along and did it .. and it wasn't realistic, it wasn't fun and it sure wasn't motivating either !
So I'll make a new schedule but still very different !
I will have weekgoals and will keep a lot of space for spontaneity. I will not play poker on fixed times I will only keep several stuff on fixed times because I otheerwise will not do them.
Weekly goals:
- Play 200 sng's
- Plan 1 activity with friends
- Study 5 hours at home for work just so I can get my knowledge up and I can find better ideas for projects to do.
- Fix my mothers laptop (this one I didn't do this week )
- Find a better way to track my food (macronutrients) and eat correctly
- Drink 2L water a day
- Finish my book, make a summary and start my second book
I also want to change this blog ... this will be the last post that entirly focusses on myself. I will search topics this week wich we may be able to discus. Those topics will be either difficulties or ideas of mine. I want to make this blog more popular by making it something that you guys can use too !
I will review my vision statement right now .. everybody who reads this and is interested in productivity should ask themselves ... what do I want to be productive in ? Why would I climb the ladder if it's leaning against the wrong wall ?
So I think everybody should make it clear for themselves wich goals they have. After this you can think about how you should achieve them.
Vision statement:
If I would die, what would I like people to say on my funeral:
- Parents:
They would say I had a good behaviour, I was smart, succesfull in my carreer and that I could work very hard when I needed to.
They would say I was succesfull at a social life too because I had a bunch of good friends and a nice girlfriend.
They would also say I could trust on my own. So I didn't listen to them all the time and though for myself. Nonetheless I never said their ideas where stupid but I used the ideas to make them my own.
- Girlfriend (wich I still have to meet)
She'd say a was a good spouse, I was funny and would help her in doing some tasks in the house. She'd know I'd care about her very much and spent enough time with her so she never had to complain about that. I would also be the one who'd listen to her and could come up with fun activities because of that.
She'd say I was good at being myself and she really could be herself in my prescence. We could act like complete morons and not care about what other people thought about us because it was fun and it was the main reason we were so happy with eachother.
- Co-workers
They'd say I was really smart and driven, enthousiastic. They would say I have vision and discipline. I was a great communicator. They would also say I was very assertive and had the guts to tell my opinion to supervisor but in a polite manner. They would say that I knew almost everything and that they could come to me with all of their workrelated questions (and also private). They would say I was also a great friend besides a great coworker.
They would say I'd probably would be a good boss if I had the time to develop myself. A boss who would listen and would act upon win-win situations. A creative person with a vision that was shared by almost all the co workers.
- Friends (this part I find very difficult to know what I want)
They would say I was funny and really liked my stupid jokes. They would also say I was fun to hang out with. They would say they could come to me with their problems. They would say I knew a lot of people.
They would not say I was the biggest party animal but I was a pleasant guy and I was someone who could be trusted. I was the guy who never got in a fight or a heavy quarrel just because I respected everyone while I could also express my own opinions without people getting mad or feeling misunderstood.
- Fitness friends:
They'd say that I had iron determination. I was a great example and motivator for most of them and even though I was not really strong or really muscular I was the guy who showed everybody how it's done eventhough I wasn't a great talent I still achieved a lot due to determination and perseverance.
- Poker friends
I was a very creative poker player with his own personal style. I was also very good at it and could easily make a living out of it if I wanted to.
I also helped people with stakingdeals and coaching. I was the guy who gave people good deals .. just to get a little extra not to become rich or something because of other peoples skills.
- In general: (= principles)
I was someone who was honest to everybody. I tried to be as fair as possible and treat everybody with respect and respected himself. I was someone who tried to be patient with everybody.
I was the guy who was great in creating win win situations and bring people closer together. Because of this I was awarded with great trust from people in my environment. I was the guy people wanted to be themselves because if something bad happened it almost never was my fault and even if it was my fault it was a result of good intentions.
_________________
As you ( my blogreader) can see .. my vision statement does change every week. I think I have a pretty solid basis atm. I should added some stuff that are mostly inspired by 'the 7 habits of highly effective people'.
Great difference between the guy I have now and the carnival/mirror guy. I am not a party animal, still I'd like to go out once in a while but not the party animal as I had in mind when I started this blog.
I have a great shift from being interested/popular towards being someone who can be trusted and depended upon. Someone who makes other people better and not only looks cool because I actually don't think that's important.
Well at least at this moment ...
Next week I'll review it again.
Ok so I just read some 30 pages in how to win friends and influence people of dale carnegie and I'd like to share some of the information with you guys. Basically I only learned 2 small things .. 2 principles that are actually very logical but I did not apply them.
Basically it states that you should never critisize people and you should give honoust and sincere appreciation as much as you can. People are emotional creatures, not primarily rational and that is one of my biggest leaks.
As my friends know I always speak the truth. But I actually only speak negative truth when I speak it. I will tell people their life leaks even when it will hurt because it is the rational thing to do. I care and they should kno what they are doing wrong right?
Does this mean I can never tell someone their weak points? I think I still can but I could do it another way... Most of the time people do stuff because they believe it's the right thing to do .. so actually it would be more logical to fully understand their motives (7habits) and then compliment them on their intentions (how to win friends) and maybe make a little sidenote on that but it has to be sincere and it should be honoust. They should feel like I understand them and they will know I act out of sincerity.
So I can still speak what I think but I have to rephrase it .. and I should never critise the obvious (it doesn't help anyone)
I hope you guys have some feedback on this so we can learn from eachother or reflect on this subject (eg. the sidenote could be dangerous maybe they think the compliment isn't sincere ?)
Hi Wolfske,
I also read those chapters from Carnegie's book and I also learned a lot, because I criticize very often, in the same way that you do, I do it to help people because I think they can learn from my critics.
But no, I noticed that indeed in the past my critics were rarely well received and it didn't give any result. But I've been very closed minded and kept going.
Now I know it's useless. If you say someone he has doing something wrong, it's useless, because the only thing he will do is justify himself. So… I don't think that doing nothing is the best thing to do though. But clearly, to directly criticize is not the thing to do. It's still better to do nothing.
I don't have a solution to propose, but I know that some people have some success in criticizing, they get to be understood and they get good effect. It's in their nature, but I think we should learn from them.
We also should try to put ourself in the place of the other, how would we react ? And then, think of how should we doing our cricit or feedback in a way that we wouldn't react badly. In the next chapter, you will learn that we can obtain something from someone only if he want it. If we want to criticize someone about something, let's do it in a subtle way that he wants that thing. I don't know if I'm clear
But anyway, I'm convinced that directly criticizing someone is not a good idea and it's better to do nothing. Then, we have to find a way to communicate our ideas.
True it's not easy .. yesterday had a discussion with an ex-coworker who was fired .. but she feels it wasn't fair ... I tried to explain why she was fired ... for 2 hours ... nothing I said mattered to her .. she decided to believe her own story anyway ..
One of my goals is to try and talk to her again now and communicate in such a way that she understand me and can look at stuff other way (she had very weak arguments why she shouldn't be fired )
So nice goal here
When I started to ask questions in stead of 'attacking' her I really noticed in improvement in her thought proces .. so maybe letting her think in other ways without judging might be the way to go
I'm also experiencing sleeping issues ... I'm going to do a nap now .. this week it's becoming a real problem ... But I think I know the cause.
So I'm putting more structure in my sleep now and try to limit light for the last hour before sleep .. I think that may help
Oh yeah .. I also woke up paniking in the middle of the night because I thought I overslept .. this is over since I use 2 clocks ! So maybe a small tip for the readers of this blog with the same issues
In order to influence others, one needs to first let himself be influenced by others ;).
Yeah just read about 40 pages so .. don't know that yet ♦ but I will in the future !
Originally posted by Schnitzelfisch
In order to influence others, one needs to first let himself be influenced by others ;).
These kind of quotes always remind me of this
Enjoying your blog, gl with it all.
Originally posted by Schnitzelfisch
That's from 7 habits ♦
Ahaha fail ! Shows again why I have to review fit. But that part is probably the part where you first have to deeply understand and know ones motives before you can have a nice conversation right ?
She basically wants to hear that she was to good to be fired because she feels like a loser ... She isn't a loser but I can understand why they fired her ... I also told her she had great talents but they weren't in this job. I don't know need to reflect and understand her better I guess.
Originally posted by ipeaceonu
Originally posted by Schnitzelfisch
In order to influence others, one needs to first let himself be influenced by others ;).These kind of quotes always remind me of this
Enjoying your blog, gl with it all.
Hahaha nice one schnitzel in Disguise !
What are you doing to get out of your comfort zone?
The guys who follow schnitzelfisch will have seen this question a lot. It's in his blog, on his website (skyrocketyourproductivity.com) and on his websites facebook.
But what does it mean? Well again, those who follow schnitzelfisch will already know but they don't have to be very extreme things. Just a moment ago I was sure I didn't do anything this week to leave my comfort zone ... but now I think about it I actually did !
I played some poker even when I didn't want to ... my 180mans are not going as good as planned so I mixed the 45mans with them but they also don't go very good atm ... so my motivation is lower. But it's at this time we can make a difference. Many people will have lower motivation it's just like you have those spots in poker wich aren't really nice to take becauuse your hand and position aren't that good. But on the other hand you can still make a marginal profitable play if you play it fine ... so that is what I did. I played some , not a lot and found some motivation back I increased my mental ability to go through boundaries and I will have less problems in the future.
Or there was this one night .. I just played a nice session and some of my pokerstrategyfriends were online ... so I reviewed with them even though it was late and I wanted to relax. Found some interesting spot and small leaks doing this so good I left my comfort zone here
Also work related (and this shows how small things can mean leaving your comfort zone):
Yesterday during my break I helped a collegue from another team with her pc. I took my whole break (not that it was a difficult problem) so I didn't have time to take a moment for myself but that wasn't a really big problem because I didn't need it anyway (I prefered it though).
During the lunch I was alone in the cafeteria. I was about to leave but suddenly I saw a member of another team. Sometimes I would hide my face because it would be pretty uncomfortable to talk with someone I don't know during lunch. But this time I decided to look at him, he came towards me and sat down.
I had to do some effort to look at him and to start a conversation, but I have to be honoust and say that even though I kept feeling uncomfortable I still did enjoy it. This guy laughs a lot just like me so I could mix in some silly jokes (wich I'm good at .. my jokes are so silly that they go through -> so silly that it's not funny --> so silly that it's really not funny and so stupid to say that it's actually funny again )
So getting out of your comfort zone can mean stay seated when you are about to leave to talk with someone you feel uncomfortable talking to ♦ on the other hand it can also mean skydiving so big difference there !
I have noticed improvements in my poker game + volume and also in my social interactions at work. I did change some stuff because people I didn't know came really more towards me last week but actually I don't remember what I changed .. this means I probably have some new habits that are +ev ♦
So people get out of your comfort zones ! It can go from start waking up early to start training to climb the mount everest .. It doesn't matter what it is but just realise that every step you take will lead you into a new environment with new opportunities !
SO yesterday I went out of my comfort zone again ... I went to a party (or several parties actually)
Eventhough I didn't feel like going out I stuck to my word .. I also decided to drink some alcohol ... well .. after 1 beer my head was already feeling very weird .. So the best thing to do atm seemed to start drinking more and heavier beer .. and whisky ♦
I had fun with my mates , we did some funny stuff .. but at a moment the whole atmosphere for me turned. A friend of mine picked my up for fun but knocked someones drink on the ground 
My mate offered his hand to shake hands and move on but this guy didn't want to .. So my friend offered to punch him in the face .. this guy didn't want that either so he went away .. I offered him a couple euros for his drink .. but he suddenly said 'that's 13 euro on the floor'
So yeah my mood changed and I realised I had to sober up since my friend was a little out of control.. after all it was his fault that the other guys drink fell on the ground.. At 03:00 the party was over for me.
My friends didn't want to leave and went to another place ... Suddenly I was talking with this guy who I really can't stand (and I already wanted to go home before that). I remained friendly and after a couple times asking we went to another place. That place wasn't nice either so we went to another place .. I was mostly sitting at chairs while I kinda observed how my friends started talking to other people.
I suddenly realised this is NOT the way I want to meet people. This really isn't my kind of fun .. yeah I had a good time but only because I was drunk. I saw people cheating and stuff .. I really can't stand that. I'm not really sure what I saw actually but suddenly I started thinking really negative about people so... yeah
Better search another way to have fun and meet people I was home at 06:00 ♦ But to end with a positive note .. most of the time I had fun and for one time it was nice to do it
