There is no tomorrow. DO IT NOW! (2016 starts on page 10)

I skimmed through my blog and mostly it's all about things I failed to finish. Since I was always taught to see something positive in every situation I will do the same now. If I haven't been writting all that I would forget about most of the things except for the most important ones. It took me 30 min to fly over it and here are some things that I wrote about which need to be emphasized:

- Take step by step approach (It's good to have different goals but reaching all of them at once is not the best idea because I will most likely fail to finish some of them and that will frustrate me more than it will bring me positive energy from things I successfully finished.)

- Have defined BRM (Playing with vague brm is never good for my mind since I can't focus 100% on the game and some percentage of my brain energy goes to "what if" questions - that's just pure waste I can avoid.)

- Expectation - day dreaming (With setting myself a goal I also place expectations that need to be met. Having initial success may lead me into comfort zone which may lead me into daydreaming about money I "will" win and therefore procrastinating instead of working - not fair for giving myself more opportunity to fail.)

- Consistency (I consider myself very good at making realistic plans that are doable. All that planning goes to nothing if I don't executing as I should. In general that's easy just do things day after day and consistency will bring you on another level.)

I believe I have built a good foundation and now I can start adding new things to my arsenal. All I need are determination, hard work and consistency -> the more I work even through tough days with help of my will and motivation the more I will understand things and progress will definitely come.

New challenge -> 31.8. - 31.12.2015
4 MONTHS = 12k hypers => $4000 PROFIT!

1. Long-term Goals:

a) Play 12k hypers by 31th December 2015.
b) Win $4000 in 4 months by 31th December 2015.
c) Have 5% roi on $10 over 5k hypers.
d) Publish 18 weekly blog posts (summaries) by 31th December 2015.

2. Mid-term Goals:

a) Play 3000 hypers in October 2015.
b) Play 3000 hypers in November 2015.
c) Play 3000 hypers in December 2015.
d) Have 6% roi on $5 over 5k hypers by 30th November 2015.

3. Short-term Goals:

a) Play 3000 hypers in September 2015.
b) Session goal! What's your focus? (reinforce what you're learning so you can execute it while playing)
c) Play 150 hypers every day.
d) Review A-game. Play your A-game!

From time to time I will do short updates for myself but more importantly I will do more thorough analyze of play/plans/ obstacles/...and everything else in weekly summaries.

1st WEEKLY REPORT

Without concrete plan I do many different things that make me feel great but at the end of the week I must say it wasn't the best week. It felt like a productive week but after writting everything down I see I still suck big time at actually completing all required tasks. Ok let's not be to harsh since there is time to make up for it. In the beginning it was hard to grind hard because I was actually almost 40 days out from poker so it wasn't realistic I could immediately grind for 5h straight every day. What's stimulative is the thing that I was able to have 140 and 150 volume days by the end of this week so this means I can continue in this tempo onward. All in all I spend exactly 19h and 38 min for grinding. Volume wise that should be enough to reach my goal but that would be true if I was grinding 8 tables non stop. In the beginning of this week I was playing only 4 tables and then switched to 6 tabling. That's the reason volume came quite off comparing it to the planned volume but it's important that I put hours in so I can extend my focus and in the future the volume will also go up. I also invested some time into theory. Although I wasn't writting down how much time I spend on everything I think I spend ~ 5h for reviewing and adjusting my OR and also ~5h for creating my warm-up routine and actually carrying it out.

2 more positive things were introduced during first week:

1) Daily planning
This means I write down daily schedule at the end of my day for next day. I'm still not good at it since I write down too many details that are not important and usually mess up the order of important things. Already after one week I see some things I can improve - started writting down "to do" list which contains priorities that must be finished first.

2) Insanity 30 min
Started doing insanity to improve my physical shape which will hopefully improve my poker endurance. I completed only 3 trainings during first week but plan for next week contains 5 workouts.

Summary in numbers:

1) Volume = 530/750 FAILED [19h 38 min]
2) OR range DONE [~5h]
3) WARM-UP DONE [~5h]

Hours spend this week 30h

When you sum everything up the numbers tell that I invested around 30h into poker which means ~6h per day. That I take as a success for first week but from now on the expectations will be higher and higher.

Summary in numbers: (Challenge)

1) Volume = 530/750 [19h 38 min]
2) OR range [~5h]
3) WARM-UP [~5h]

Hours spend 30h

2nd WEEKLY REPORT

Being result oriented influences my attitude a lot which means I have problems regarding mental game and understanding variance. It seems I'm capable of taking positive variance but when it goes the other way I just can't accept that so I don't play required volume. Rationally that's really stupid but it's a habit and habits are hard to break. This month I've been running 55BI under EV and this fact definitely influenced my volume during last week. Losing day after day caused not able to play my A-game and as a result my volume dropped drastically. I think I understand variance but my actions don't confirm this claim so my priority for next week is to work on this leak intesively. Pokerwise it was quite unsuccessful week so I'm glad I'm doing this weekly reviews to see that otherwise I would probably just say to myself "it happens".

Regarding Insanity I had 5 training last week so that was positive. Although it seems a bit too much because I was quite exhausted as a result this week I will do only 4 trainings. Results are already showing so I will definitely keep exercising so health and average feeling improves.

With daily planning things are not going that smoothly. I know which things I have to finish first but somehow I can follow my daily schedule. It's a bit crammed and I will try to make it more applicable so I can actually finish most important things on daily and weekly basis. Longterm aim is to complete this challenge successfully so I have to make daily planning my routine as a tool to help me achieve all things I set myself.

Positive note...
We tend to complain too much and therefore fail to see all positive things that happen to us. If we invest our energy only into negative things we can't expect positive things to come out of these thoughts. Therefore it is essential to keep our head up and think about positive things. I'm not talking about dreaming because only dreaming won't bring us anywhere. Determination to complete certain thing should give us boost to approach matters the right way and finish them successfully. Sure sometimes bad things happen but it doesn't mean they will always happen, we just have to get up and find positive things we learned from it to go on towards our goals.

Positive thing that was re-introduced during second week:

1) meditation
My mind seems to run everywhere so I'm doing meditation on daily basis to calm myself a bit and find peace so I can work towards my goals and not wanting to finish "everything" (which usually means lots of unimportant things). Multitasking sucks therefore do monotasking and be good at it.

Summary in numbers:

1) Volume = 282/750 FAILED [10h 53 min]
2) COOL DOWN DONE [~2h]
3) HUD FAILED [~0h]

Hours spend this week 13h

Spend lots of time with poker but all in all I've done 2 days work in 7 days! Disgrace is probably the right word for previous week and there's no exuses - I'm lazy. Think less do more. "Tomorrow" is something unreal so don't be naive it will become real someday just because you say so - "today" is your moment to shine.

Summary in numbers: (Challenge)

1) Volume = 812/1500 [30h 31 min]
2) OR range [~5h]
3) WARM-UP [~5h]
4) COOL DOWN [~2h]

Hours spend 42h

Sometimes it's good to take 2 steps back so you can make 1 step forward. First two weeks weren't the best start so now is the time to see some success in form of "done" category gets checkmarks therefore I'm setting lower goals so I can finish them. This should give me the boost I really need and we'll see how it goes after that.

Goals for week 3:

1) Volume = 600 hypers (120 on a daily basis) [20h]
2) HUD [2h]
3) Bubble [10h]
4) Insanity = 4x
5) Meditation = 7x
6) HRC = 5x [2h]

Pretty simple and straightforward plan. Let's do it!

Day 15

1) volume 139/120
Finally managed to put in some decent volume. Although I needed almost 5h for it I think it was worth it. I usually play 1,5h long sessions in the future however my goal is to play longer sessions (min 2h). But I'm satisfied with today's volume and quality of my play.

2) meditation
No problem there since I do it first think in the morning.

3) HRC
Analyzing with calculator is totally out of my daily routine. That's bad from longterm perspective because my main goal should be improving so working on my game is definitely the right way to do it. Short daily analysis is my a must from now on.

4) Insanity
On Sunday I played basketball and I got an elbow into my arm and it hurts a bit. It's annoying but it doesn't bother me with my daily functions although I couldn't do Insanity training since I can't support my body and do some movement with arm. So for the next two days I will go running instead of this training.

Don't be content with one good day you need to put much bigger work on consistent basis to be able to complete your goals. Don't overthink just follow your schedule!

Day 16

1) volume 112/120
Had 2 shorter sessions because I wasn't playing my best game and also took longer time to recover. Although volume is nothing special I'm proud I went through my B-game in third session and instead of stopping I consciously kept reminding myself I'm not playing A-game and telling myself what to do. Usually I would just quit but this time I grinded through and also brought myself to play better.

2) meditation
No problem there since I do it first think in the morning.

3) HRC
Analyzed my play after 2 sessions and it took me ~45 min since I'm quite rusty. Working with Calculator day after day will definitely improve my game and shorten my time spend for actual analysis.

4) Insanity
Still wasn't feeling ok but could've gone running with gf. Instead I stayed home and worked so I guess it wasn't a total loss.

Do things. Don't think too far into the future. Goals are set so you just have to follow it and don't "readjust" them constantly. JUST FUCKING DO IT

Day 17

1) volume 79/120
Grinding obviously isn't my priority despite me thinking otherwise. It seems like something I can do anytime just not now. I come with many lame excuses why I can't do it now.

2) meditation
No problem there since I do it first think in the morning.

3) HRC
Really wanted to do it but I didn't. I mean I reaaally wanted...fuck that and stop lying you lazy bastard!

4) Insanity
Still wasn't feeling ok. I tried doing some push ups but it didn't go well. So this week is kinda lost but I intend to do at least 2 trainings.

5) Bubble analysis
Did something else which will be useful in future but didn't do anything on this particular topic.

Yesterday had one thing to finish in the afternoon and after that I watched basketball game Serbia - Czech Republic which Serbia won. They will play Lithuania in semifinals. So I "had" to do many things before finishing my grinding...I understand:censored:

3rd WEEKLY REPORT

3 weeks are already behind me and I still haven't completed even 1 week as I should. I'm not down I just understand why I can't climb out of micros and the main reason is laziness. Won't write motivational things because generally I know what has to be done in order to go higher - work (harder)!

DO 1 WEEK AS IT SHOULD BE DONE. ONLY 1 WEEK. NO EXCUSES.

Positive thing during third week:

1) coach
Had one sweat session with coach. We went through various situations and he wasn't holding back about my laziness. He said I need to increase number of tables I'm playing and actually invest myself into playing if I really want to achieve something.

Summary in numbers:

1) Volume = 508/600 FAILED [17h 22 min]
2) HUD FAILED [~0/2h]
3) Bubble FAILED [~1,5h/10h]
4) Insanity FAILED 1/4
5) meditation 5/7
6) HRC FAILED 1/5h

Hours spend this week on poker 20h

Summary in numbers: (Challenge)

1) Volume = 1320/2100[47h 53min]
2) OR range [~5h]
3) WARM-UP [~5h]
4) COOL DOWN [~2h]

Hours spend 60h

FINISH THINGS!

Goals for week 4:

1) Volume = 700 hypers (140 on a daily basis) [25h]
2) HUD [2h]
3) Bubble [10h]
4) Insanity = 4x
5) Meditation = 5x
6) HRC = 5x [2h]

1 WEEK! Give me just one successfully completed week and show me you're not a weakling.

Originally posted by yaxkukmian

1) Volume = 700 hypers (140 on a daily basis) [25h]
1 WEEK! Give me just one successfully completed week and show me you're not a weakling.

Hope you go for 170-180 and a chance to complete 3k month Not this soft-core stuff
To not be just an ass, you do have a lot of theory work planed so I am cheering that you "score" all 6 goals this week, one day at the time. You have all the power to make it happen, so take it and GO GO GO !!

4rd WEEKLY REPORT

Finally a successfully completed week. Although it wasn't smooth ride I was able to finish it in style. Mediocre work gives mediocre results and I have to understand that.

Positive thing during third week:

1) will to complete weekly volume goal
I had to play quite big volume over weekend and when I already thought I finished it I realized I'm 30 hypers short. I was quite tired but despite long weekend I persuaded myself to finish this and so I did. If there were no volume goals I would definitely play much less. Keep tracking your goals and be sure to finish things!

Summary in numbers:

1) Volume = 704/700 DONE [21h 39 min]
This weekend I had to play over 250 hypers. With usual schedule that would be easily done but not this time. I had to help father move something all Saturday morning and in the afternoon sister came to a visit with my nephew (6 months old being who is full of life and starts perceiving world around him...). So I had to work late. Sunday was even tougher since I practically wasn't able to play until 17h. But I completed volume goal! Finally. Also I saw the traffic is much better during weekends so I'm making a small change - weekends are not free, free day will be mondays from now on.

2) HUD FAILED [~0/2h]
This is such a small task it shouldn't take me long to go through it but it's not very important so I postpone it to "later". Have to finish it so I can cross it off my list.

3) Bubble DONE [10h/10h]
I devoted one whole day for this topic. I spent much more time analyzing it the following days but there is much more to be done regarding this topic. Will invest one day per week for sure so I do it in the way I imagined.

4) Insanity DONE 4/4
Technically this "done" is not correct but it's close enough:P Basketball season started so we're playing every Wednesday and beside that I did 3 Insanity training. I'm satisfied with my progress but there's much more room for improvement so I will definitely keep doing this trainings.

5) meditation 5/5
This helps me calm down and I believe my mind works better when I meditate. My goal is to do it every day and become better at it.

6) HRC FAILED 0/5h
Although it takes me only 30 min in reality it usually took me 1h to go over all interesting hands. Instead of analyzing everything (and nothing) I will concentrate on certain topics which will give me concrete results so I can get something out of it. Working with Calculator is extremely important so I will definitely work with it more often and not just random analysis like I've done so far.

Hours spend this week on poker ~32h
Since I was working 6 days it's ~5h per day which is nothing special. Definitely have to reinforce this category!

Summary in numbers: (Challenge)

1) Volume = 2022/2800 [79h 32min]
2) OR range [~5h]
3) WARM-UP [~5h]
4) COOL DOWN [~2h]
5) Bubble [~12h] (still working on it)
Hours spend: 103h

4 weeks are behind me and there are some things that can be concluded:

- I still don't understand variance but I'm starting to accept it. Underestimating variance and overestimating yourself is usually a costly mentality but if you learn from it can bring a lot of positive aspects. Being result oriented won't bring you far but working on your game and playing bigger volume will.

- I'm lazy and I postpone things. I comfort myself that's the consequence of my bad run but in reality these are just excuses for not grinding and working as I should. Follow the plan and don't think too much since it will hurt you.

- Stay positive and keep improving. Results are not great and I know I could do more. Don't talk too much about it, follow your quotas and theory goals and you will come there!

4 MONTHS = 12k hypers => $4000 PROFIT!

Time progress: 4/17 weeks (23,53%)

Volume = 2022/12000 (16,85%)

Profit = $239,21/$4000 (5,98%)

BI graph:

$ graph:

I WILL COMPLETE THIS CHALLENGE!

5th WEEKLY REPORT

Variance back in action. As if poker variance is not enough I was also hit by variance of laziness. So if you combine these two things there is no other option but to fail. There are some real life things going on at the moment but I should be able to manage everything.

Positive thing during third week:

1) NO SUCH THING
Just one big fail.

Summary in numbers:

1) Volume = 175/750 FAIL [6h 59min]
My volume was even lousier than the lazziest 1 table player. No fucking excuses for that.

2) HUD DONE [~3/2h]
One thing done. I'm not thrilled but at least I know which stats I have in the HUD and there's no more numbers I don't know what they mean. Simple is better when you're multitabling.

3) Bubble FAILED [0h/10h]
Since I didn't grind at all this category isn't a big surprise.

4) Insanity FAILED 2/4
I did one insanity training and went to basketball. If you add two days of physical work of 8h you could change this category to done:f_biggrin:

5) meditation 0/5
From "My goal is to do it every day and become better at it" one week ago I came to zero meditations done in a week. Nice job:f_drink:

Hours spend this week for poker ~10h
Consistency is the cure but I should first find where to start my treatment. One week is black then next one is white but more often than not I fail in most things I set myself.

Summary in numbers: (Challenge)

1) Volume = 2200/3550 [85h 31min]
2) OR range [~5h]
3) WARM-UP [~5h]
4) COOL DOWN [~2h]
5) Bubble [~12h] (still working on it)
6) HUD [~3h]
Hours spend: 112h

I'm so much behind and I've only finished 5th week. Priority for 6th is volume, everything else will have secondary priority. Here is the plan:

1) Volume 850 hypers (170/day)
2) Meditation 5x
3) Insanity 3x
4) Blog post 12.10.

It's really embarassing posting this kind of summary but this should be lesson for me. Finish the things and you will feel good, otherwise you will feel like the biggest loser in the world.

Yeah babyy! finally some higher volume plan that will break the previous boundaries One man, one objective! /movie trailer voice off (at least poker wise it's one objective)
I had to comment, because when I did, it seems you end up completing stuff
GL!!

Originally posted by Mystt
Yeah babyy! finally some higher volume plan that will break the previous boundaries One man, one objective! /movie trailer voice off (at least poker wise it's one objective)
I had to comment, because when I did, it seems you end up completing stuff
GL!!

Thanks for your support!
I'm lifting the bar higher - not only bigger volume but also started playing higher limit ($10 hypers). So no updates doesn't always mean I'm procrastinating all day long:f_rolleyes:

Keep improving everyone!

6th WEEKLY REPORT

At this time my volume problems are getting in my way. I should really start stepping up and not only talk and make plans.

Positive thing during third week:

1) Not giving up
Had ups and downs but main thing is that now I really understand how lazy I'm so there is no way back. Just have to bite in and work hard before I can expect $ results. So in that order - work, work, work -> improve -> put volume -> after some 10k hypers you can look at your results.

Summary in numbers:

1) Volume = 545/850 FAIL [6h 59min]
Had only two 100+ volume days.

2) Meditation FAIL 3/5
For some stupid reason I can't make it a routine. Will do it first thing in the morning from now on.

3) Insanity FAILED 2/3
Did finish 2 training by Wednesday but then had to work Thu-Sat for 6h and felt tired so didn't see point in doing exercises.

Hours spend this week for poker ~19h

Summary in numbers: (Challenge)

1) Volume = 2745/4400 [106h 43min]
2) OR range [~5h]
3) WARM-UP [~5h]
4) COOL DOWN [~2h]
5) Bubble [~12h] (still working on it)
6) HUD [~3h]
Hours spend: 133h

Here is the plan for 7th week:

1) Volume 900 hypers (180/day)
2) Meditation 5x
3) Insanity 3x
4) Blog post on 19.10.

To give myself extra push I decided to pay my coach $50 if I fail to finish this weeks volume. Since I'm not making money this would be a setback but I do think I have to take it seriously and not play only an hour here and there.

Hello yaxkukmian,

Nice blog and I look forward to seeing how you got on with week 7. You can do it!!
Good luck at the tables.

Regards

Matt

Long time no hear! Many things happened since my last update.

First of all one big positive hello to everyone:f_thumbsup:

Last couple of months were very straining but I've been able to go through it. One important thing that I learnt during this period is - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND TAKE ONE STEP AT THE TIME.

1) Graduation

I've been trying to get that damn diploma for the last 5 years. The pattern was always the same - IF I could do that and IF that would go my way I would graduate. So after reading few books and thinking about it I gave myself a deadline. That was to graduate by the end of December and I put it down on a piece of paper on 30.9.2015. Exactly 2 months later I succesfully defended my diploma and after a decade of suffering and defeats I was able to complete it. One enourmous rock fell off my back and I was proud of myself despite taking so long to finish it. I was able to come back and not give up when it was really hard. Although I promised my mom I would graduate many years ago I kind of failed it. I kind of didn't keep my promise because she couldn't experience this moment but I did visited her and I'm sure she was happy too. I'm really grateful to many people who helped me believe and pushed me on. Although graduation won't drastically change my life I was able to gain some confidence and belief in myself. I FINISH EVERYTHING I BELIEVE I CAN.

2) Renovation

Practically at the same time father started renovation of his apartment. And I'm talking about complete renovation. Most of the job was done by us and some of our friends. I was there almost every day of October, physically working day after day. We had to empty the apartment and strip it to the walls. Drilling, pounding, carrying out the material,... Although it was physically exhausting I was able to find many positive things in it. I was able to connect with father and I saw the fire in his eyes once again which was really nice thing. Also I was starting to appreciate many things I was taking for granted. Money is not everything but it is important. But even money can't solve everything you must have friends that can help you and sometimes you have to learn something new because you can't rely on others every time. After almost two months the renovation was done and what a transformation that was! It's a good feeling when you see something done as it should be. DON'T TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. APPRECIATE EVERYONE.

3) Poker

In October I was still able to put in some quality volume despite so many things I had daily on my timetable. This however changed in November when I was finishing my diploma and had to help with the apartment. This may be excuses but when you're so close to something you don't want to screw it. December was meant to be month that I will get my volume in and bring in the lost playing time. Something happened (of course) again. Since I wasn't playing for practically month and a half I had many costs and therefore my br was heavily crippled. After returning I felt a bit rusty and also results were quite bad so my br was even worse than I thought it could be. This caused mental block in my attitude as I was finding excuses not to play and all of the sudden I was playing $1 hypers. It was hit for my br and ego and I just couldn't return to my old crushing state. I decided to take week off and think about it. Week wasn't exactly one week but here I'm writting again in my blog. What I realized is that I won't give up. I will study and return on limits I was playing before. Not only that but I will play higher limits! This was a conclusion I came after talking with good friend of mine who opened my eyes and helped me realize that I limit myself. I realized I don't really believe I can earn a lot of money through poker and that block displayed itself through not playing and looking for excuses why that is ok. POKER IS FUN BUT YOU HAVE TO PUT IN TIME AND ENERGY IN IT. REWARD WILL COME. BE PATIENT. WORK. DON'T HOPE. WORK AND YOU WILL PREVAIL. STEP BY STEP...

I put down goals for the coming year and poker is definitely in the game. I won't let this blog die.

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done. Make at least one definite move daily toward your goal.”
– Bruce Lee

Once again Bruce delivers Step by step is the right way to take. Good luck everyone:f_cool:

Welcome back man and good luck! Congratz again on graduating, a big step completed. Can't wait to hear the action plan and see you crush.

Oh and Bruce Lee FTW!

Originally posted by Mystt
Welcome back man and good luck! Congratz again on graduating, a big step completed. Can't wait to hear the action plan and see you crush.

Oh and Bruce Lee FTW! You almost lost me...but I'm baaaack:f_cool:

Plan for 2016

Not going pro but poker is still going to be big part of my everyday life. It's going to be hobby that will bring me first of all SELF-DISCIPLINE. With poker there is never a straight line, on contrary there is always a struggle of maintaining the right course. Being up or down you can never be satisfied and this is main drive that makes me better. It forces me to work on myself, my attitude and understanding the world around me. If I look back I can say that many hours that I was sure I was working hard I was actually procrastinating but I can only see that now. And to come to this point I had to invest into myself and work on my mindset. Although this is priority for this year this is not my only goal. I was never good at setting real goals, so the ones that would bring me somewhere or give me something. Usually I set myself many goals and this gave me lots of space to accomplish some of them so I didn't feel super bad when I wouldn't fail all of them...although I knew that was the case.

My 3 poker goals for 2016:

1) I EARNED $xxxxx in 2016!

2) I PLAYED 1200h OF POKER in 2016!

3) I POSTED 13 BLOG POSTS in 2016!

1) I will keep it for myself. Until now I always announced the numbers so this year I'm taking new approach. I have the specific number written and I will share it at the end of the year.

2) 25 days * 4h/day = 100h * 12 months = 1200h

3) 12 monthly summaries + summary of 2016.

I promise I will share more thoughts here so it will hopefully help somebody else other than me.

"Be positive". You can hear it everywhere nowadays. Frankly I'm not the best example of someone who would represent this kind of philosophy but lately I've been doing some soul searching and really trying to internalize this mindset... Just be positive! It's not that simple since we usually use "but" or "if" after it. That's not logical. Why is harder to be positive than to be negative? Universe is in equilibrium and therefore we should have as many pluses as minuses but in real life that is rarely the case. After reading many books and hours and hours spend thinking about it I came to conclusion that kind of attitude is a must if you want to achieve something worth mentioning.

We are what we think about. Only we can change our lives. It's harder than it seems. I'm analytical person so usually I just put things down and paper speaks for itself. It usually works like this but not always especially when emotions come into the game. I've been able to remove most of leechers from my life but It's hard to get rid of every single one. Lately I've been thinking about one of my closest persons who I spend most of my time with. It seems like she has negative impact on me or the problem is in me that I see things in negative way. It's so easy to take decisions when you're not emotionally involved but the toughest decisons are those which are not black and white.

This post might seem like a random rambling but It took me almost 1h to write it down. It's a reminder that I can't live like this anymore. Something has to change.