A lot of women turn into good drivers…
So if you are a good driver, watch out for women who are turning 
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I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay this morning and thought to myself...
Wonder what his handicap is?
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies.
Is that a trick question?
A horse walked into a bar and the bar man said, "why the long face?"
Two lions walking down the main shopping street in town during the middle of the afternoon, when one lion said to the other, "Isn't it quiet down this road!"
There were two carrots in a field; and one fell over!
My friend told me onions were the only food that can make you cry.
So I hit him in the face with a coconut.
Proved him wrong.
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on a holiday"
Really wasn’t a nice postcard to receive.
I was awakened with a blowjob today.
I need to start sleeping with my mouth closed.
They say there is a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I thought it was Jeff, so i killed him before he could cause any harm
In marriage there are 3 types of rings
The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering