OK then...
What is green and sings rock-and-roll?
Spoiler
Elvis Parsley
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Maybe this is the one...
An Irishman goes to the doctor, who after examining him says,
"You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets I think it will be okay."
So the doctor gives the man the tablets and the patient asks,
"Do I have to take them every day?"
"No," replies the doctor,
"take one on the Monday,
skip Tuesday,
take one on the Wednesday,
skip Thursday and go on like that."
Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street and he sees the patient's wife.
"Hello Mrs Murphy," he says, "how's your husband?"
"Oh he died of a heart attack," says Mrs Murphy.
"I'm very sorry to hear that," says the doctor, "I thought if he took those tablets he would be all right."
"Oh the tablets were fine," says Mrs Murphy, "it was all the bloody skipping that killed him!"
Originally posted by msp3101
Why did the HUD less chicken cross the road?
He was less chicken
Why did the the muddy chicken cross the road twice?
Spoiler
It was a dirty double-crosser
Originally posted by msp3101
Why did the HUD less chicken cross the road?
To collect some player notes. Cluck Cluck.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms.
How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first says, “I’ll have a beer.”
The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.”
The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.”
Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them.
“Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”
While shopping yesterday, I saw a sign in a home decor store that read "Accents 20% off
I asked the clerk for a nice Scottish accent, but she just looked at me strangely
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
Spoiler
He could feel his presents
Originally posted by msp3101
3 tomatoes playing cowboys and Indians....which one's a vindaloo?
None cos they're all masalas