Online Journal [10,000$ Bankroll challenge].

Originally posted by AvalonSol
Today I was legit scared to play. I don't know what it is but if I am up I am scared of losing this money. I know how silly it is and how mentally weak I have to seem to you but it is what it is...

I don't see it as a weakness, but just a feeling that happens now and again.
I usually get this when I have some sort of goal I want -- like break $500 BR or build a 400BB stack or something like that.

I have to really discipline myself to play one hand at a time (or 4 if 4-tabling ) and not be results-oriented.
The problem there is that I am results oriented -- I always have been in almost all things I do and have done.
In school I wanted the highest marks.
At work, I wanted to succeed.
I wanted to run the fastest

and on and on...

The crazy part is that being focused on the results keeps a poker player from achieving the results.
So focus on the hand at hand (sorry, I couldn't resist) and the results will look after themselves...

All the best,
VS

I have to say I am positively surprised.

Game seems much softer than PP or GG. It might be just me running good I will need a couple more days to tell for sure.

Ofc I overplayed couple hands, looking for bluffs in spots where I shouldn't have, that's still a big leak for me for sure. I tried NL10 but I felt uncomfortable. Called off in the spot when I prob wouldn't have on smaller stake just because I didn't want to give away pot that I invested a decent amount of money in... So after a while I decided to play NL5. I believe I can rake enough to get the 120$ bonus, it will require a lot of volume on NL5 and I am playing 2 tables atm so it would take even more time to do so but heres the thing. I really enjoyed playing today it didn't feel like grind at all. I am actually looking forward to play some more.

I managed to get up @ 4 AM [1hour before alarm clock, 4h of sleep]. I was planning to go for a run, but I was way to curious how will stars feel like, so I just sat down and started playing. I will go for a run tomorrow tho.

I regained some confidence for sure. I hope I'll stay motivated and focus throughout this month and manage to build up bankroll and skill set.

A♠:

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I regained some confidence for sure. I hope I'll stay motivated and focus throughout this month and manage to build up bankroll and skill set.

Confidence is most definitely an important positive influence on your winrate.
overconfidence though, can kill your winrate really fast.

Keep it real!

All the best,
VS

Today I slept a bit longer, got to bed earlier and woke up around 6 AM.

I went for a run as planned. First kilometer was quite rough - it was very cold.

I can't remember last time I was running. It had to be 4yrs ago... lets say it wasn't the easiest thing to do after such a break.

I've done 5 km in about 33min, last one I run barefoot [the sidewalk was so cold it stung]. I had to stop a few times, my muscles and lungs were burning.

It was hard, no two ways about that, but I felt amazing afterwards. I feel motivated again and alive at last. It seems I was literally dying these last couple days, maybe even longer. I can see now that it was necessary, it helped me gather enough information and experience to plan out this month. My routines will slightly change, my health/lifestyle goals may seem extreme for most ppl, but considering my experience I think I can pull it off. Poker will have to accept that it is not first priority anymore - at least not only poker.

I was considering making this journal an audio/podcast format, but I'm not sure if I would manage, my spoken English might be rough since I am not speaking [in English] out load at all...

I'll update my daily checklist and goals in the next entry.

All best.

A♠:

Originally posted by VorpalF2F

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I regained some confidence for sure. I hope I'll stay motivated and focus throughout this month and manage to build up bankroll and skill set.

Confidence is most definitely an important positive influence on your winrate.
overconfidence though, can kill your winrate really fast.

Keep it real!

All the best,
VS

Yup, I agree 100%.

You either honest with yourself about your game and performance or you are a losing player in denial - no two ways about it in my opinion, no room for lying to yourself in poker.

Gratitude for the support!

A♠:

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I went for a run as planned. First kilometer was quite rough - it was very cold.

I can't remember last time I was running. It had to be 4yrs ago... lets say it wasn't the easiest thing to do after such a break.

I've done 5 km in about 33min, last one I run barefoot [the sidewalk was so cold it stung]. I had to stop a few times, my muscles and lungs were burning.

It was hard, no two ways about that, but I felt amazing afterwards. I feel motivated again and alive at last. It seems I was literally dying these last couple days, maybe even longer. I can see now that it was necessary, it helped me gather enough information and experience to plan out this month. My routines will slightly change, my health/lifestyle goals may seem extreme for most ppl, but considering my experience I think I can pull it off. Poker will have to accept that it is not first priority anymore - at least not only poker.
Don't overdo it!
Be sure to do your stretching exercises before your run!
(I'm sure you know all this)

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I was considering making this journal an audio/podcast format, but I'm not sure if I would manage, my spoken English might be rough since I am not speaking [in English] out load at all...

For myself, I really prefer written.
It takes so long to listen to podcasts, when the same material can be read in a minute or two.
It was different when I had lots of time during my commute to work, but now...

All the best,
VS

Okay, a lot has happened.

After initial good run I tried to play NL10. It didn't end well - again.

Combination of bad run + tilt afterwards destroyed my results yet again.

I thought I have tilt/mindset problems behind me but I was wrong, oh so wrong.

At the beginning of this journey I was scared of tilting off the entire bankroll [like so many times in the past], so I heavily focused on improving my mindset and tilt control. Since then, I started to win on a consistent basis and I kinda checked it off as if I somehow mastered it already.

Combination of changing the sites and formats along with massive amount of volume lead to neglecting my routines that I worked so hard to establish and maintain.

I was on a path down since then with occasional spikes here and there.

...

After blowing off 3 stacks on NL10 on stars while tilted I had quit for the day. I wasn't running this morning or the previous one due to pain after initial run and lack of motivation.

I was super disappointed with myself, I thought it was all behind me.

I went to bed early and went to sleep after reading a bit. I woke up around 23:00 [11 PM]. I decided to play NL5 for the whole month, with no shots no matter what and see what happens. Since I'll be playing only NL5 or lower I moved back to GG poker, no other offer comes close [if I intend to put in volume] due to their leaderboards. Its not hard to get placed in the top 30 for 9$ or higher and I get rakeback on top of that.

My roll was 251$ before I started playing today and I don't know what it is now . I run good and got 4$ from leaderboard, would have gotten 6,5$ but my dog just couldn't wait another 15min to go outside -no big deal I guess.

My new daily schedule includes:

jogging in the morning
20h fast
meditation
journaling
strength workout before first meal
cold shower
at least 6h of good quality volume [unless I really feel otherwise due to early cleanse symptoms that fasting will trigger].

I won't force myself to wake up, I'll let my body decide how much sleep it needs, so I won't be using the alarm clock, however I'll plan my morning before going to sleep so my mind knows I have a lot to do and it can start figuring out how to manage it all.

I have to admit I felt devastated after loosing so much of my bankroll during last week and it still hurts. I hope I can learn from that experience and not make the same mistakes moving forward.

I think I need a much bigger bankroll to comfortably shoot NL10 with all that's going on in my life right now, losing even one stack just triggers me and I can't afford to bang my head in the wall time after time just because I can't manage variance and higher swings. I will decide later but I think 100BI is a good goal. I know it will be hard to resist temptation to play there faster and it will be a good test of my discipline and resolve. Let's see if I am really capable of playing the same stakes day after day, hour after hour, building up my bankroll to the point where I can honestly say I am ready to move higher.

750$ to go, thats 150BI @ NL5. I hope it won't take super long with the help of leaderboards .

All best,
A♠:

Originally posted by AvalonSol
At the beginning of this journey I was scared of tilting off the entire bankroll [like so many times in the past], so I heavily focused on improving my mindset and tilt control. Since then, I started to win on a consistent basis and I kinda checked it off as if I somehow mastered it already.

There are techniques in "The Mental Game of Poker" by Jared Tendler and Barry Carter that help accomplish this.
You can't focus too much on mindset, and you cannot control tilt just by yourself.
Instead the book suggests that you keep a "mental hand history"
 Make a list of the different types of tilt
 After each hand judge yourself on a scale of 1 - 10 how you handled that hand for each category. Include winning hands -- some forms of tilt are over-confidence related.
 Have one category that evaluates your overall mental state

Obviously this cannot be done and play high volume also.

If during this exercise your overall state drops below 5 QUIT THE SESSION

You may already do some or all of these things, but it takes time, so hang in there!

Originally posted by VorpalF2F

Originally posted by AvalonSol
At the beginning of this journey I was scared of tilting off the entire bankroll [like so many times in the past], so I heavily focused on improving my mindset and tilt control. Since then, I started to win on a consistent basis and I kinda checked it off as if I somehow mastered it already.

There are techniques in "The Mental Game of Poker" by Jared Tendler and Barry Carter that help accomplish this.
You can't focus too much on mindset, and you cannot control tilt just by yourself.
Instead the book suggests that you keep a "mental hand history"
Make a list of the different types of tilt
After each hand judge yourself on a scale of 1 - 10 how you handled that hand for each category. Include winning hands -- some forms of tilt are over-confidence related.
Have one category that evaluates your overall mental state

Obviously this cannot be done and play high volume also.

If during this exercise your overall state drops below 5 QUIT THE SESSION

You may already do some or all of these things, but it takes time, so hang in there!

Thanks for a reminder. I have the audiobook of Mental Game, I have to get back to it. I got 4 audiobooks for free, you can get at least one as well if you want. I remember "How to be a poker player" influenced me a lot at the beginning, great stuff.

On the other note, he rivered a full with KK, look at the pot size untill river - sick.

I managed to put in volume. I hope I will maintain this level of dedication throughout this month, a lot has changed with my approach. I feel like I've evolved as a player a lot.

A♠:

Very nice leaderboard cash!
I am simply not capable of playing enough hands to even make a minimum leaderboard prize, so I pretty much ignore it.

Originally posted by VorpalF2F
Very nice leaderboard cash!
I am simply not capable of playing enough hands to even make a minimum leaderboard prize, so I pretty much ignore it.

Thank you

I have always played a lot. In the past it used to be MMORPG or other games, but I have always spent a lot of time in front of the screen so it comes much easier to me I would assume.

I am putting more hours than before, but I am netting fewer points, my play style has changed quite significantly over 2 months with aggression going up and down and up and down. I feel like more developed player, old me would have gotten 10 or 12k, but he would have punted off few stacks along the way as well.

Another solid day. I run like a god for the big chunk [at least I think so, I don't look at the results].

I am super tired, so I won't say much today, maybe next time I will share more details of how I actually structured my work now and how it's going so far.

All best.

A♠:

Originally posted by VorpalF2F
Very nice leaderboard cash!
I am simply not capable of playing enough hands to even make a minimum leaderboard prize, so I pretty much ignore it.

to be honest if you can manage playing 4 tables it takes only 1 hour during happy hours to reach min cash.

Originally posted by AvalonSol

Originally posted by VorpalF2F
Very nice leaderboard cash!
I am simply not capable of playing enough hands to even make a minimum leaderboard prize, so I pretty much ignore it.

to be honest if you can manage playing 4 tables it takes only 1 hour during happy hours to reach min cash.

Happy hour?
I'll have to check it out.

Aha! That explains it -- I am usually in bed then.
(but that is easily fixed...)

Originally posted by VorpalF2F

Originally posted by AvalonSol

Originally posted by VorpalF2F
Very nice leaderboard cash!
I am simply not capable of playing enough hands to even make a minimum leaderboard prize, so I pretty much ignore it.

to be honest if you can manage playing 4 tables it takes only 1 hour during happy hours to reach min cash.

Happy hour?
I'll have to check it out.

Aha! That explains it -- I am usually in bed then.
(but that is easily fixed...)

In my opinion it's just too good of an offer assuming you enjoy the format and such. I played at pretty much every single site I could get access to and when it comes to micro stakes fast format you can't get better than that. It is much easier than Party Poker leaderboards cuz its not rake based and the number of tables is capped at 4 [unless you take a lot of high variance spots than you will be better with rake-based LB but I prefer to avoid those so this format is much better for me]. Meta is a bit different because of that, but if you can adjust you will find that playing on Poker Stars afterwards seems much easier [at least it was that way for me - tilt problem on NL10 aside].

I got one nice looking hand for you. 3way flop, money got in on the turn after I x/r. Its been a while since I/ve had a straightflush.

A♠:

Is there a jackpot for a straight flush playing Rush&Cash?
Even if not, very, very nice hand!

Originally posted by VorpalF2F
Is there a jackpot for a straight flush playing Rush&Cash?
Even if not, very, very nice hand!

Nope, there is no jackpot on R&C sadly.

Im not going to post anything for a while - have to figure out couple things and I don't feel like sharing now. [but I am putting in volume, have to pay the bills].

A♠:

Two days of NL10 behind me with +6 BI from play + LB. I have to admit it feels softer than NL5, something clicked inside my head day before yesterday. I felt ready to play higher, maybe first time I was actually okay with losing couple buy ins and come back down, I was actually expecting that, so after couple double ups I was legit surprised. I was running 5 buy ins below EV in All in spots, fortunately splitting while running twice [AA <KK, AA<QQ, set<fd] and not losing, so I kept going.

I decided to split my BR to avoid this cycle of running it up and then losing all the profit trying to climb higher. Basically I don't count LB prizes towards my BR, this money is dedicated to pay off my bills and other financial related responsibilities, so no matter what happens on the tables I am netting $ every single day.

I will probably still put most of my volume on NL5 until I build it up a bit more and then commit to playing NL10 regularly, right now I'm playing when I feel sharp and confident.

All best.

A♠:

that call made me question everything I know.

A♠:

He... uh thought he had 5 black cards?

Originally posted by AvalonSol
that call made me question everything I know.

He was calling as a bluff -- if he gets two clubs on the river, he has 2nd nut flush
I have seen this sort of thing before.
Not often enough unfortunately