Last month ended nicely(NL25 fr round 7bb/100). So starting july I had big hopes, plans and expectations.
First two days of july went round 120$ under EV. Third, fourth, fifth and sixth it was already round 300$ under EV. Seventh and eight were breakeven.
So I concentrated on grinding, hell, what else is one to do when the bs variance kicks in. Left my studying part aside and play more.
So this morning I had a short session round 1,5k hands. Breakeven again. And again million set ups, sick hands, ofc lost every flip and didn`t get a dime with nuts hands. Ok I say, lets take a break, make lunch, watch 30 rock, chill and than play again.
So... After chilling, I start my session. As soon as I started, lost one flip, got my aces cracked twice and some more sick hands in bout 50 hands. I just lost it! I started shoving with TPTK, 3b every hand for like 3min. I couldn`t recognize myself. When I came to myself I immediately turned off everything. I was so pissed I hit the table as hard as I could and glass fell off the table and broke. I picked it up with the dustpan and then smashed the dustpan. I was really out of control and had a feeling that if those idiot player were beside me in real life I probably couldn`t resist smashing their faces beyond recognition.
I know it is a rookie mistake and I didn`t tilt for a very long time which I am very proud of cuz with poker I learned to recognize myself and know my personality and tendencies.
That is why I am writing this. What could this mean? Maybe too much pressure subconsciously???
I knooooow I am better than those retards, I know I am beating them 24/7 anyplace anytime, why do I then must loose 9 days in a month, battling their incompetence which is getting rewarded and donating their bad play. Just bullshit.
And fckn stars! That Poker Mindset book is out of stock like for 4 month already. Why the F*** do I even create rake if I cant buy a friggin book! I wrote to them a month ago but no answer (I know that book costs like 20$ but I ain`t buying it out of principle!!!)


