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There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says,
"Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas."
He ignores the voice. Later in the day, he hears the voice again.
"Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas."
Again, he ignores the voice. Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day.
"Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas."
He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice. He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas. As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says,
"Go to the Horseshoe."
He goes to The Horseshoe. The voice says,
"Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP) entry."
He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP. He goes to his assigned tournament table. The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt Ace of Spades, Ace of Clubs. The voice says,
"Go all in."
He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot. Three players call.
The dealer lays down the flop which is 8 of Hearts, 9 of Hearts, 10 of Hearts. The voice says,
"FUCK!."
when my opponents hit their flushes and straights i become very flushstraighted
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Q: what does an poker player says when he flushes the toilet?
A: Yeaaah! I hit the flush you piece of shit!
Some people just seem to have a lot of luck. A friend of mine is one of those card players who can almost always draw whatever he needs to win a hand in poker, but loses big time at the races. I asked him about this once and he replied, "Well ... they won't let me shuffle the horses."
A young boy who, at the age of six, had never uttered a single word even though medical tests showed that, physically, he had nothing wrong with him. In order to spend as much time with the boy as possible, his father would take him along to his Thursday night poker games. One night, after a particularly bad losing streak, the father blew a hand, and the boy said, "Dad, that was the wrong call." The surprised father embraced him and said, "My God, this is the first time you've ever spoken." The boy then replied, "Well, dad, you've been playing just fine until now."
$0.05/$0.10 No Limit Holdem
FullTiltPoker
6 Players
Hand Conversion Powered by weaktight.com
Stacks:
UTG Hero ($21.91)
UTG+1 Psykbryt ($4.56)
CO crewsbase1 ($9.93)
BTN grumps888 ($9.75)
SB wrathofpain ($10.44)
BB mrmelloyello ($13.03)
Pre-Flop: ($0.15, 6 players) Hero is UTG K♥ A♠
Hero raises to $0.35, 3 folds, wrathofpain calls $0.30, 1 fold
Flop: 3♠ J♠ A♥ ($0.80, 2 players)
wrathofpain bets $0.70, Hero calls $0.70
Turn: A♣ ($2.20, 2 players)
wrathofpain bets $1.70, Hero raises to $3.40, wrathofpain calls $1.70
River: 10:diamond: ($9, 2 players)
wrathofpain bets $4.80, Hero raises to $9.60, wrathofpain folds
Final Pot: $23.40
Hero wins $22.16 (net +$8.11)
wrathofpain lost $9.25
A rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police raid the game. Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: "Father Murphy, were you gambling?" Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then says, "No, officer, I was not gambling." The officer then asks the minister: "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?" Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, "No, officer, I was not gambling." Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?" Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: "With whom?"
♠_grin:
