how i made the day my bitch

So today I played my first session.

I am starting on the 3.5$ and propably move up to the 7s soon.

I think I ve played decent and also caught a nice upswing and ended the first session with 5 bi up.

I need to make it a habit to mark interesting hands right away since its a pain in the ass to search for them after the session. Also Ive noticed I was not so concentrated at the beginning of my session so I need to work a little more on my warm up routine and play one table less maybe for the first 30 minutes or so.

I had my first coaching session with Ben before I left for my holiday and it was very good and the doubts I had when I signed up got less.

Also I have done a decent amount of content during my vacation which also reduced my fear and doubts and now I am pretty happy I took this opportunity.

I will play at least one more session today and rewatch 1 video.

So long

Nice, keep blogging

Today was just awful.

I couldnt play the last 2 days because of a surgery I had to go through and was excited to play today again.

After running very well before and above Ev I knew it was only a matter of time till my upswing is gonna leave me again.

And today was this day. I ve dropped almost 30 Bi today and this only in 50 games. I ve bubbled a lot and it seemed I am only pushing into Kings.

I ve felt that the variance is getting to me and had to stopped playing.

I did good on marking some hands and reviewed them with 2 guys from my group and most of them we agreed were played all right and the ones I made mistakes it was usually close, which felt good and gave me some confidence in my game again. Also it was great to connect a little more to my teammates.

So I wont play anymore today but will watch 1 or 2 videos and come back tomorrow.

So long

Volume wise this week was pretty bad. Results wise it was pretty good.

I played 473 games and I am up about 35 bi.

I have to work also to get more used to the swings since they affect my mood of the tables also a lot. Which comes from the uncertainty if I am running bad or playing bad. As I can handle running bad much better then playing bad, since running bad is money lend and playing bad money spend.

Tomorrow I will have my first 1 on 1 coaching with Ben and I am really looking forward to it and I hope we can remove some leaks.

As I wrote yesterday I had my first 1 on 1 coaching with Ben yesterday.

It was a mixed experience. I felt like an idiot most of the time and we found leak after leak after leak. Many of them were pretty basic stuff which I thought I knew through my longer poker experience but....no I dont. I dont know shit.

Which after letting it sink in is a good realisation it gives me a ton to work on and I feel I am lead in a good direction and got clear steps I am following.

So now that I know I dont know anything I can kind of start fresh without expecations I had for myself. I thought since I ve played Turbo FR SNGs for a while I will walk through the micros and will get into problems at the 15-30s.

With this thought in mind it was very frustrating to play and not doing well.

So atm I feel kind of released and even it was kind of an emberassing experience, way more motivated then before.

Today I played about 100 Games and I am up about 10 Bi.

I ve felt I played better and also felt better wile playing. I also watched 2 recordings and propably will watch another one later.

Tomorrow I will review hands from the session today till I dont feel like doing it now.

Played 100 games today and lost about 6 bi which is a little unfortunate since I was up 10 bi. But I think I have to do a longer break after 2 hours. I noticed how less focused I was at the end.

Got second quite often and felt a little unlucky hu. Marked a couple of spots which I will review tomorrow.

Other then that I did a part of my homework and have still some left for tomorrow.

I think I am done with poker stuff for today. Maybe I start watching a video depends how long my girlfriend will need to get ready for new year.

So its been too long since my last update.

My year didnt start too well since my girlfriend and me broke up after 9 years.

If you living together this brings a lot of problems with it.

On the pokerfront it didnt go so good either. I had trouble to focus and tilted very easy. After a while off and working with the icmizer instead of playing I started playing again and felt very good and confident.

Despite that I ran like shit, I had my tilt mostly under control and felt that I played decent.

I also worked on my warm up and break routine.

For warming up I have a short meditation session and work through some icmizer quiz hands, get some water and fruit and start to load up the tables. I want to include a walk before I play in the next weeks.

In breaks I go for a smoke, refill my water and work through 3 marked hands.

Normally I have a bunch of goals when the new year comes, for this year I only set to finish the contract. Despite a bad start, I still think its possible.

poker is going ok atm. I moved up one limit and I feel most of the time pretty confident in my game.

I got some good User2User coachings in and hopfully we can continue this in the coming week and further.

Ive noticed, I can get a little more tilted if I dont warm up properly so I really need to make this more of a priority as I was a little slaggy there.

So 3 goals for the week.

Keep the u2u up
warm up
work on small blind calling spots

So yesterday we had a group coaching, where several people of our group played a sng and showed our hands, what our range for a specific action would be and so on. I made several fundamental mistakes so Ben downgraded me in the beginner group again. So for now only group coaching again. At first I was very disappointed but sleeping over it I am sure it will turn out fine. My ego just got a little scratched and actually I should be happy about it because it showed some major leaks I still have in my game and fixing those should be my only interest and to become a better player I need to control my ego a little better anyway. Also I can see it as an excercise for seeing the good in bad events. So I will not completly go back to zero but take a step back and take a good look again at the beginner stuff.

Also I have to overthink the way I learn, since I a) dont notice some important stuff or b) forget it.

Hey dude, I'm impressed with how long you've been blogging on here first off all, I started several blogs and never got back to updating any of them.

I've flicked throuh your entire post and some interesting reading. Wondering how your motivation is now?

Just wanna say good luck to you also, do you only play cash online? Didn't read much on MTTs in your posts

Originally posted by Halfamp
Hey dude, I'm impressed with how long you've been blogging on here first off all, I started several blogs and never got back to updating any of them.

I had a lot of breaks in it and some are pretty long and so I could easily started a new one also. Sometimes I felt I had nothing to say or just dont felt like sharing my thoughts.

I've flicked throuh your entire post and some interesting reading. Wondering how your motivation is now?

I am very happy you enjoyed some of my posts.
I am very motivated atm and I am happy that my motivation is pretty consistent atm. I had a little (actually wasnt this little) personal down after the break up with my girlfriend but other than that motiavation isnt an issue but I think this is because of the habits I had build for myself.

The step back now....as I wrote it was very disapointing at first because I worked a lot before, but it showed me that just putting in time isnt the right way if I dont work properly. So it is a valuable lesson.

Just wanna say good luck to you also, do you only play cash online? Didn't read much on MTTs in your posts

No I play hyper sngs atm but I played cash for quite some time. Good luck to you also.

So why I play poker?

Obviously my first thought was the money, but there are easier, more stable and less stressful ways to earn money. Also after a heritage I had some money and my interest in poker was still there. That doesnt mean I dont care about money, quite the opposite, but I think there is more.

When I started poker I was a student and at this time money was tight and a big motivator for me as I was able to cashout every month to cover for parties, cloth and other stuff I thought I needed. Even I spend most of my poker money on random stuff it gave me a feeling of selfsubstain and with something "adeventouras" which can be done abroad, on a boat or anything in the world with a stable internet connection.

The math? No thats the point about the game I enjoy the least.

Its fun. Well...yes sometimes its fun but sometimes its just absolutly no fun if you are on a downswing, getting outplayed or have to grind even if you dont feel like it to clear a bonus in time.

A part I always enjoyed was the psychological aspect of the game. I was very interested in tilt and how to conqer it as it wasnt only very important to my winrate I always saw it as self mastery.

Tilt maybe also the first time Ive noticed conscious how fare something in me can push me so much away from my values. Of course I have been lazy before and proccrestinated a ton but I never really thought about it this much as far as I can recall.

Mastering tilt wouldnt be only good for my bankroll it would also to help me understand myself better and this was very interesting for me. Tilt was a real problem for me, I have been on absoult monkey tilt again and again.

I have lost 10k in about 10 minutes on the roulette tables because I got sucked out on a nl 200 shot.

Now... I could still tilt less but the guy who lost half his roll in 10 minutes is gone. In a way its a good thing, I can still learn a lot of the part of the game were I am most interested in.

Longer sessions, higher limits and better opponents are kind of a test. How long can hold my concentration, what moneyswings can I endure and how good can I put my ego aside if I got outplayed more often.

The things I have to do to get better at this points dont just improve my pokergame they also spread into other areas in my life.

Meditation, self reflecting, diet and self organization were no part of the majority of my life and I am not doing constantly good in all or any of them but when I play my A game for several sessions in a row I am doing good in some areas if I play my C game some sessions in a row I lack in all.

So in a way poker is helping me to become a better version of myself while I can work on my dream to not work form 9-5.

Ultra Spiritual life! I just noticed - gratz on (almost) 2 1/2 years on this blog!
I think progress takes its time, especially if you need to figure out what works for you. But I think a lot of skills that improve you as a Poker player are also applicable to everyday life and can help your personal development in different ways. I wonder what has changed since the start of your blog, which of your goals did you keep and which did you throw overboard, are there new goals? What techniques did and which ones didn't work for you or maybe you regret that you neglected something that was actually helping. What would you not do again (except for gambling away most of your bankroll, but I guess that was before your blog started)?
I am sure you will make your way, donwnswing is only for so long. Keep up your will to improve and a positive mindset, I am certain the results will come.

I ve played 38 sngs today and I am up about 10 bi.

Was a very swingy session, but I could hold my A game most of the time and pretty happy about it.
Also the last sessions I ve felt I was playing good even when the variance hit me. Which is a good improvment.
I marked a lot of hands, even standard shoves/calls just to see the ranges and my feeling for it got a lot better.
I am happy with my progress regarding tilt but not with the progress on the tables.
I need to work harder there for sure. The last days were good, I ve been watching videos and making more notes then before and writting them togehter, which helps me to remember them way easier.
Also working more with the icmizer quiz and just maxing out the daily questions on 2 certain spots helped me also.
I ve should have done all of that way before but…well it is what it is.

So overall I need to focus to keep this momentum going and good things will come

So why I play poker?

Obviously my first thought was the money, but there are easier, more stable and less stressful ways to earn money. Also after a heritage I had some money and my interest in poker was still there. That doesnt mean I dont care about money, quite the opposite, but I think there is more.

Hey man,

This might be the most important question in your life atm. Why do you want this? I believe you can't find out by using your own imagination. I have made an extensive Dropbox file with over 50 pages in total probably because I also thought it was about money myself for 26 years. However, after doing a lot of exercises, reflections, confrontations and analysis, I discovered why I like the game so much. The reason why I won't say now because it is not yet important. However, 'how do I come to this answer' might be prevailing here.

Not sure if this is something you need but just to share some thoughts

Gl at the tables dude!

Cheers,

Hesticus

He Hesticus

sry for the very slow reply

Thx a lot for sharing this file with me. I have done this also but not nearly to this extend. Very interesting to read someone elses golas. But I think I got also a little sidetracked by all this stuff and werent focusing enough on the real work. Always kind of looking for a more efficent way etc. which to an extend is fine imo as long as you still doing the necessary work.

For Poker :June was money wise good. I caught a good upswing and was up about 100 BI. Volume on the other hand was very bad.
I ve felt pretty depressed the first 2 weeks and didnt play at all. The last 2 weeks went way better and also did a lot of theorie and worked a ton with icmizer.

July started really bad. I ve dropped 50 BI pretty fast. Managed to get even today again in just 100 Games which is propably the sickest upswing I ve ever had.

Volumwise I am happy I ve played about 100 sngs a day. I think I can do a little better but there were 1 day I couldnt endure another suckout or even loose a flip and had to stop earlier.

This frustrates me a bit since there will come worse and longer downswings then this and I need to be ready to handle those.

I hope my game and espically my confidence in my game will be stronger by then. The creeping doubt when you run bad is propably my worst enemy.

Had a group coaching yesterday which assured me I am doing the right things, which gave me a lot of confidence.

Nothing comes to my mind which had such a positive influence on my life so far as meditation and I am kind of passionate about it.
I tell my friends, family, my mailman, barber and random people on the street they should start and now I will tell you.
Start meditating!
No worries you dont have to live in a cave or move to India and learn from some guru who held up his arm for several years.

If you have never been in touch with meditation but maybe have been curious to try it, this post is for you. I will give you some guidlines, talk about a few obstacles I had and hopfully we can make a habit out of it for you.

So lets dive in

"Why should I even bother to meditate"

You will have better focus.
You will be able to store inforamtion better
You will experience less stress and be able to handle it better since a bit of stress is actually good for but it will dramaticly decreases the negativ side affects of it
Meditation is proven to be as effectiv to treat depressions as commonly described anti depressives
Meditation will increase your willpower ( as a lot of good habits )
Meditation is not only benecial for your brain but also for your body, it drops inflammation and even slows down the process of aging
Mediation will make you happier and more gratful
Meditation will help you if you tend to overthink everything
Mediation will get you into this moment everyone speaks about you should live

Take a look at really succesful people like Tim Ferris or Tony Robbins who both do some kind of mediation in their daily rituals.
Tim Ferris also said in one of his podcast most succesful people he interviewed within his researches are following one or another form of meditation and giving it a lot of credit for their success.

The astouning thing is most of those benefits you will experience within 8 weeks of regular meditation and I want to give you some tips later to make it easier for you to follow your mediation practise regular.

"Ok I will try it but how do I start?"

Meditation is pretty easy and very hard at the same time. At first you will sit there and waiting for something to happen...but nothing will happen.
It might even feel like a waste of time but please trust me on this or the 1000 studies that have been done about meditation, you already on your path to reap all those benefits and more.

There a lot of different kind of meditations, from cleaning your shakras over developing more gratfulness to help you fall asleep or finding inner guidance. Even praying is a form of meditation.

But we will focus on something different now. In my opinion the easiest way to get into meditation is a mindfulness meditation where we will focus on or breath.

It is so easy it might sound stupid but I want you to take 10 breath very you totally focused on it.
Only breathing in and out with 100% focus. No thinking what you do after this or how stupid this is.
Chances are there will come up thought in your mind during this and thats fine also maybe it will come after the first breath maybe after the 5th but they will propaply show up. Dont see this as a failure. Just acnowolge them and then let them pass. I imagine I let them go as ballons and then come back to breath.

For me starting out it was way easier with a guided meditation. Sombody speaking to you and guide you to the process because it feel a bit weired just sitting there waiting for the enlightmant which will not come.
Also you will notice how you not even realize that you follow a train of thoughts again and the guided meditations are making sure they will get you back.

I like to visualize those thoughts as balloons I just let go or clouds passing by.

It is important to note that it is about acknowledging those thoughts and not to think about nothing.

Imagine your thoughts as a long while you stand at the track as it it is passing by. Each wagon is another thought following the next one but inbetween there are some gaps.
Meditation is slowing this train down and you will have a longer and longer look between those gaps and moments of total emptiness in your head, which is an amazing feeling.
This will usually not last long since you will be judging this moment with "wow so peacful", " I ll never thought I ll get there" "Can I hold it for longer this time" and it will fade away.
The less you pay attention to it and especially the less you are trying to force it, the easier it becomes.

There will be days were nothing will work. Thought will just take over and you cant focus at all. They are called grey days. Your monkey mind is in total control and jumps from thought to thought. This is fine, too. Just try not to judge,which I know is much much easier said then done, but also here you will get better at it over time.

"Yeah, thath all sounds good but my situation is very special and I dont have time because I ha...."

Let me stop you right here! This is bullshit. Everyone has 2-10 minutes a day. (Yes meditation sessions can be very short and if you start out they should) Even when you have children or a stressful job or even both and more.
I am sure you want to be a good parent, Co-worker or friend. Who do you think can provide more value,more love and more joy to their lifes. Somone who is so stressed out and rushed, who cant even take a couple of minutes for themselves or somone who is relaxed, balanced and inlinie with their values.
You ever snapped at a friend or your child over nothing becuase you were so stressed and had to apoligize later (well at least I hope you did). I bet you lost more time in such arguments then just taking some minutes from your schedule for yourself. It is for others also and as I stated earlier even your focus will rise which will make you more effectiv at work,

" I tried it a couple of times but never sticked to it"

Together we will create a habit out of it so it becomes as easy as brushing your teeth.

I want you to find a time you want to meditate. Can be in the morning, evening in your coffee break, whenever.

I want you to find a habit you already have. Brushing your teeth, setting up the water for your tea or coffe in the morning. Something you do everyday and requires no willpower. (your trigger)

After you completed task a, you sit down for 1 minute or even just 30 sec and we completly focus on your breath for 10 rounds of breath circles. Make sure you breath in deeply, so your belly rises. Feel the cold air entering your nose and the warm air exiting it. Try to follow the breath how it enter your lungs. Just be open to every sensation that may occure or even the lack of it. If thought are crossing your mind, just let them pass. Be a spectator without judgment.

Do this for a couple of days with 30 sec if it becomes more and more easy for you, you can increase the time, just make sure it is still so easy that is harder to say no then follow through. I cant stress this enough rather grow very slow then go for the big gains. Chances are you will get a bit frustrated here and there and then it is easier to have those small sessions then big ones. Consistency is key here. Think about it where you can be in a year, even if you start small.

Tada you are doing it.

Let me give you an example on how I got started and what was my trigger

I decided to do it in the morning so I will have a good start in my day. The first time my feed touched the floor for the day I stayed like this, sitting on the edge of my bed and just focused on my breath like I wrote.

Of course you can dig down way deeper. You can do 2 sessions a day but make sure the one you decided is your priority.

There are a lot of youtube channels, books and apps around to support you on your journey and I like to recomned you some.

Apps : "Headspace" is great and they offer a free guided introduction course. I like "stop breathe & think" a bit more but cant really explain why.

Books: I have read a ton of books on meditation. The first one was from Eckart Tolle "The power of now" and to this day it is still the best one I have read so far. But honestly you cant go really wrong with any of his books. For the more sceptical under us, there is a book called "Meditation für Skeptiker" by Ulrich Ott, but I dont know if there is an englisch translation.

Youtube: I really like "the hones guys" and dont use much else, since I moved away a bit from the guided meditations for now.

There are courses and centers and I heard good and bad about them. I attended a vipassana once, which is a retreat for 10 days and you meditate around 16 hours a day, which certain rules the biggest one is that you are not allowed to talk for these 10 days.
Just be aware even or especially in the spiritual world are scammers, too. If somone is offering you quick enlightmant you should be very carful.

Well thats pretty much it. To sum it up

Meditation is good for you and even the people surrounding you and you have enough time. Small consistent steps are key and remeber it is called meditation practise not meditation perfection.

If you have any questions I ll do my best to answer them. I am on my journey myself and started around 3 years ago so by far I dont know a lot but I know more then people who never tried it.

There will be coming updates from the poker front pretty soon
I am stll playing and still a happy camper in the CFP camp