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SDK1987
Joined: 12.11.2008


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VorpalF2F
Joined: 02.09.2010

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?


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Zeezout
Joined: 16.11.2007

Because it's human's nature to ask stupid questions and try to forget the answer as soon as possible ...


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Zeezout
Joined: 16.11.2007

Saw this one in a group. Translated because it's Dutch ...

Some guy named John dies and goes to heaven. There he meets Peter at the gate of heaven. On the wall behind the gate there are a lot of clocks.

John: why all the clocks?

Peter: Every person has a clock that shows how many lies he/she told. This one is of Mother Theresa, no lies, still at 0:00
This one is Jacob, told a few lies so it's at 2:00

John: Where is the clock of Mark Rutte (Dutch Prime Minister)?

Peter: oh, that one's in the office, running as a fan against the heat ...


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VorpalF2F
Joined: 02.09.2010

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


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VorpalF2F
Joined: 02.09.2010

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.


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SDK1987
Joined: 12.11.2008


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VorpalF2F
Joined: 02.09.2010

Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.


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Zeezout
Joined: 16.11.2007

If you want a card to be dealt right, you'll have to sit on the left ...


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VorpalF2F
Joined: 02.09.2010

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.


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SDK1987
Joined: 12.11.2008


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VorpalF2F
Joined: 02.09.2010

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?


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Zeezout
Joined: 16.11.2007

A taxi driver brings a passenger to the airport. The passenger wants to know how late he will arrive and touches the shoulder of the taxi driver.

He staps on the breaks with screaming tires, in pure terror. :why: :why: :why:

Passenger: why are you so scared?

Driver: This is my first drive as a taxi driver!

Passenger: but that's no reason for such a reaction?

No, but before I took this job, I was driving a funeral car for 24 year, so when a passenger suddenly touches me ...

(free translated from a Dutch program)


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SDK1987
Joined: 12.11.2008


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VorpalF2F
Joined: 02.09.2010

Why is no one friends with Dracula?

Spoiler

He's a pain in the neck


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Zeezout
Joined: 16.11.2007

How does a snail finishes a marathon?

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Slowly


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Zeezout
Joined: 16.11.2007

How does a snail wins with poker?

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He sticks to his BRM ...


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SDK1987
Joined: 12.11.2008


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VorpalF2F
Joined: 02.09.2010

I dream of a better world, where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned


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VorpalF2F
Joined: 02.09.2010

I'm left-handed, but I can do almost everything equally well with either hand.
Today though I tried eating soup with my right hand.
It was a total fail.
I'm going back to using my mouth


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