They Came Begging From Outer Space!
Original screenplay by Waiboy
Additional sundry dialog by Quentin Tarantino, Guy Ritchie and Mr Singh from the corner dairy.
Special effects courtesy of Richard Taylor @ Weta Workshops
Soundtrack stolen from You Tube.
Additional typing can lead to carpal tunnel syndrome.
Scene One
Setting: Dusk in a sleepy seaside colony somewhere off the Spanish Coast. Our camera pans across the water toward, up then over "The Rock" - reminiscent of an opening scene over extraordinary scenic mountain ranges in epic saga "LOTR : The Two Towers". Only much shorter because, well, there's only one hill and it's much smaller. {Editors note: perhaps CGI another "Rock" to improve impact?}.
The camera settles at the doorway of a building - home to a philanthropic, humanitarian poker strategy website / pizzeria. With startling speed the camera unexpectedly pans upward toward the sky. Loud rumbling sounds boom out, scaring peaceful peasant folk riding their humble late model Ducati's through cobbled streets. We see a myriad of flashing multicoloured lights appear shining through the darkened, cloud covered sky. Suddenly a space ship of immense beauty and self evident technological wonder bursts through the clouds. Cue ominous fear inducing incidental music:
What the f*** was that? I said ominous fear inducing incidental music you frickin...
The narrator, remembering where he is and that his remuneration has perfomance based component, recomposes himself. Cue ominous fear inducing incidental music:
Seriously?!?! Is this the BEST we could do? FFS.
The LAGTAG battle cruiser slowly descends landing with a heavy thud at the doors of the office building/alfresco dining area. A ramp appears as if from nowhere {Editors note: Due to budget constraints brought on from a huge downswing at high stakes badugi this may actually look more like a 3 step ladder from Bunnings Warehouse - may need additional crepe paper scrunchies for effect} and from a mass of steam and light {Editors note: Need foggy day and Maglite} the LAGTAG fleet High Commander De'lers But'n steps... erm.. ominously. A hush eminating from the assembled crowd {EN: tourist season?} provides the platform for Cmdr But'n to speak:
Cmdr But'n: Les gens de la communauté du poker en ligne de la Terre! Merde! Merde! Merde! Inutile IT département....
Cmdr But'n hits helmet several times, muttering in some weird alien language, then continues:
Cmdr But'n: Vi kommer med et budskap om håp i disse mørke tider!!!
Cmdr But'n unleashes an unholy alien exclamation unfit for any sort of translation given we're aiming for a GA rating.
Cmdr But'n: People of the online poker community of Earth - well thank fuck for that {EN: :f_mad:} - we come with a message of hope in these dark times!
The sound of mass apathy booms from the cinema speakers. Possibly sounds like a mumbled "meh". We see Cmdr But'n adjust his rhinestone encrusted maroon spandex battle shorts [Waiboy note: stolen with much love - Douglas Adams RIP] and prepares to continue:
Cmdr But'n: You have a member amoung you...
Security guard one: Who're you 'ere to see?
Cmdr But'n: I am High Commander D'lr But'n of the LAGTAG battle fleet come to Earth with a message of...
Security guard one: Look mate, I don't care who you are, you can't park that thing 'ere. Fine's death by spatula. Your choice mate.
Cmdr But'n (looking slightly confused): But I come with a message of hope for a member of your online community, the one they call Waiboy the well endowed, donator of thousands of your USD to needy computer geeks and borderline psychopathic raising machines all around your world!
Security guard one: Look mate, you need level three. This 'ere's Vhallee's Exotic Emporium, perveyour of, well, your more specialised type of marital aid. If you know what I mean! And I'm gonna go out on a limb 'ere and suggest you don't know what I mean.
Cmdr But'n: But.. but... Waiboy needs diamond status to complete his destiny.. he is the one who destroys Skylab in the battle that is to come... that and of course, he really, really, really, really, really, really... reallyreallyreally wants it!
Security guard one: Can't 'elp ya mate. Push off will ya, there's a freaky foot 'n 'alf weird arse space alien sort of chap.
Cmdr But'n: But.. but... where's the happy ending?
Well, where is it?
I neeeeeeeeeed it. I really really really really really neeeed it. 
Ok, lets be honest. I AM THE CHOSEN ONE! More than 1000 years, humanity have waited this moment... More than 1000 poker rooms have opened with one reason - to wait when THE CHOSEN ONE comes in their poker room... More than 1000 players have been banned because, they lied, that they are THE CHOSEN ONES... And here it is... The big true... I AM THE CHOSEN ONE! All of the Poker gods, have putted their minds together, to create me! And here I am. You just can't deny it. 
If you wont give me diamond status, I will tell it to my mother! 
And there is even song, which explains why exactly I am that one, who need Diamond status: 
Just for plain honesty ^_^
