I made a very bad start at blogging and have decided to try again and do it right. Hopefully this blog will be more mundane and less controversial, but still interesting enough that people will follow it.
To begin with, there are several things that make me different from the average PokerStrategy member. I'm middle-aged (turn 46 in June). I'm retired. I haven't been in school for a good 26 years (which helps explain why passing the quiz without cheating was hard for me until I'd done enough studying to rebuild some atrophied brain muscles). I'm short, fat, soft and sedentary. I go to sleep fairly early and rise fairly early, a habit left over from all those years hauling my butt off to work in the morning. I bathe once a week because I no longer have to smell fresh to my bosses. I've been both a rigtard and a poker hater (if you see two of my Helium.com articles under the byline Michael Smoker). I wear my heart on my sleeve and am significantly emo, although that's dying down as I get older. I suffered from fairly severe narcissistic personality disorder for the first 30 years of my life, until life itself brought me down to earth. I never graduated from college, but I still self-taught enough about psychology to successfully treat myself for severe castration anxiety with self-administered desensitization therapy (it's simple: google "penile injury" and read about 200 to 300 medical articles and then look at about 150 hospital photos of damaged dicks). I got 54% as a final mark in 12th-grade math and am totally lost trying to understand the formulas in Excel (which is something that probably makes me VERY different from the average poker player). And something I've known for a while but only managed to verbalize recently: because of bad habits acquired in early childhood, I'm a minimalist who expends little effort on things and tends to give up when things aren't easy. I'm trying to change that, but when you're 45, changing things that were ingrained in you when you were 4 and reinforced by decades of practice is very, very difficult.
Me and poker? I started playing poker just to pass the time, because I often found myself bored. After bleeding enough fishy money I quit poker for a while. Then I discovered PokerStrategy and decided to become a Serious Student of Poker--while totally lacking the mental makeup for it. Of course, I got frustrated early and gave up...but couldn't make myself stop playing. Even when I'm on a cooler (which is nearly all the time), there is something about poker that draws me, and maybe even fulfils me. So I'm going to keep playing and trying to get better in my own slow, relaxed way. It might take me the rest of my life to break even, but it no longer affects me emotionally quite as much when I lose.
This blog will be the diary of someone who is serious about poker but still no more than a casual player, simply by virtue of being a casual person. Grinding is not something I've ever done particularly well because it takes patience and persistence, and I've historically lacked both. Maybe poker will teach them to me. More likely, I'll plod along at 400 hands a day until the heavy smoking finally catches up to me maybe 10 years from now. And I have a feeling it'll be a good journey.