I've been struggling recently, and things came to a head yesterday. I lost a huge portion of my roll
in two horrible sessions. I went to bed exhausted and depressed, and couldn't sleep for about two
hours, which hasn't happened in several years. A lot of thoughts circled in my mind. For the first
time ever I seriously thought about quitting semi-professional poker and getting a job. More strongly
than ever before, I hated poker, hated the constant pressure and uncertainty that accompanies
gambling for a living when one hasn't been successful enough to just forget about results
and take life easy, sitting on a pile of cash. I hated the fact that I had won so many thousands,
only to be left with less money than ever before and dwindling confidence. I imagined how
marvelous it would be to have some boring day-job, a job during which I don't have to feel the
pressure of constantly making important decisions, and after which I can play an hour or two of
poker in the evening and NOT HAVE TO WITHDRAW the thousands of dollars I win. I could build
a bankroll faster and with less pressure. Maybe some kind of half-time job, just enough to sustain
my life-style.
I woke up today and felt completely different. I often do, regardless of how bad I felt the previous
day. My usual quiet optimism was back. I felt that yesterday was a wake-up call, that I had to face the facts.
Here are the facts: I may have run badly in my poker career thus far, and even worse in staking,
but the real problem is that I haven't been putting in the required effort. I've been so lazy and
inconsistent, just not putting in the hours. Since my first cash-out over two years ago with a huge
bankroll for my stakes, there have been huge ups and downs, but I have to face the fact that
over-all it's been a downhill slide. I've known for a long time that things could and would be
very different if I took it more seriously and didn't just play an hour or two here and there, and
now I've finally reached the point where taking it more seriously for a sustained period seems
like the clear choice.
I'm going to play an average of 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, until I've played 50k hands at
NL200, then I'll re-evaluate. I'm 90+% sure this will work and won't be very unpleasant.
In other news, I've been semi-seriously play SC2 for a few months now,(although
I might stop in the light of my new plans) and have worked my way up from bronze to high
platinum since last summer. I've started winning in all my match-ups, so I might move up to
diamond soon. I don't think I'll ever be a top-level player, but I actually think I could reach
Masters and probably Grand-Masters. We'll see.
Merenghi for my play at 888 so far:

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