Weekly Wind-Up: Poker News Satire

Haha. Nice one Metza.

Hahahahaha please keep them coming, snap subbed ♦

Fran

lol quality, instant subbed

Question of the day answer has to be 9d.

Originally posted by peche025
lol quality, instant subbed

+10000000

This is epic, keep them coming

Following

Originally posted by MJPerry

nice!!! waiting for next week ♦

NVKS

haha. Absolute quality

NL2 corner <3 LOL at Gus Hansen's evil plan

I dislike the Daily Rewind deeply. This is much better. More creative effort in mocking the question of the day, please, I hate that the most.

I think we need a day when weekly updates are published bcs I'm checking if 2nd one came too often ♦

Originally posted by FFRRAANNKKIIEE
I think we need a day when weekly updates are published bcs I'm checking if 2nd one came too often ♦

The day was in the first one "7 April" but was in grey so hard to see, have changed it now.

I'll be doing them Monday afternoon so around 11pm Sunday ET, 4am Monday GMT.

Thanks for the info metza

14 April

Weekly Wind-Up: Ivey's Lawsuit, Borgata Fixes Chip Mistake

Ivey's been up to some shady business. Find out more below.

Ivey Being Sued: $20 Million Lawsuit


Ivey facing a squeeze

A large collective of online nosebleed grinders have pooled together to sue Phillip Dennis
Ivey Jr for his entire lifetime poker profits. While initially it was assumed that Phil was
just riding out a hotstreak on Full Tilt Poker, the players have recently discovered that
Ivey used illicit methods known as "hand reading" which gave him unfair information
that led to these illegitimate profits.

A spokesperson for the group outlined the dubious methods used by Ivey to win millions:
"Basically, we were assuming he was just gambling it up with us fellow degens, but the
reality was a lot more sinister. He would look at the actions we'd taken and then use this
information to get a pretty good idea of what cards we were holding."

According to the group, they recently discovered that while playing online, Ivey would
have a Chinese woman sitting next him at all times. They were not sure why exactly this
was the case but said that it was "questionable at best".

At the time, Ivey had told the players that his methods were merely superstition. "When
he'd make a winning play he'd say things like 'My magic 8 ball told me to fold' or 'the
local gypsy told me you were bluffing'. I believed him at first, but after a purchasing a
Magic 8 Ball, I discovered - through hours of vigorously shaking it - that 'Fold' was not
even one of the possible answers."

Ivey has since admitted to using "hand reading" to win millions unethically, along with
other common scamming methods like "bumhunting" and "tracking software" to further
increase his edge and kill the spirit of the game.

Borgata Scandal

Borgata assures us they have fixed the chip smuggling problem that caused outrage in
January. Problems arose when Christian Lusardi smuggled chips into the tournament
a few months ago. Tournament officials did not detect the chips till the end of Day 2,
noticing at the day's culmination that some of the chips were in fact chocolate coins.
"Thank god it was a hot day, and they melted, or else we might never have caught the
guy" tweeted tournament director Tab Duchateau

Borgata decided that the best method of preventing cheating would be to tell everyone
what exact methods they are planning on using to prevent it, in vivid detail. They said
they got this idea from watching James Bond movies, where the villain tells Bond the
exact details of their evil plot right before they are going to kill them.

Observation revealed another eventful day at NL2

Over at table Samba, FlopDaNutz was kindly giving out free expert hand analysis to
other players. He questioned DaKingIzHere's turn call with just a gutshot, informing him
that he did not in fact have the correct pot odds and that "64s is a donkey hand. Only
donkeys play that hand". Here's hoping everyone had their Notes box open and that such
profound wisdom did not go to waste.

Question of the Day

What is the best chatbox wisdom you've taken to heart?

Lolz metza. Waiting for next weeks already.

Originally posted by metza

Question of the Day

What is the best chatbox wisdom you've taken to heart?

I recently has someone tell me to "Go throw yourself off a cliff"

I thought that sounded exciting, but when I asked, Cliff said he wasn't into that sort of thing.

<sigh>

--VS

Originally posted by metza

Ivey Being Sued: $20 Million Lawsuit


Ivey facing a squeeze

A large collective of online nosebleed grinders have pooled together to sue Phillip Dennis
Ivey Jr for his entire lifetime poker profits. While initially it was assumed that Phil was
just riding out a hotstreak on Full Tilt Poker, the players have recently discovered that
Ivey used illicit methods known as "hand reading" which gave him unfair information
that led to these illegitimate profits.

Amazing.