i certainly dont expect agreement here, but it is just incredibly hard for me to right now believe that the rng's out there dont recognize betting patterns and start giving good stuff to the wilder players. here is my story for today.
i tilted. strait up i got sick of 3 tabling for hours at a time and taking 2 steps forward and 3-5 steps back. i mean, i get my AK to hit v 88, but the dude is playing ultra short stacked and i get nothing out of it. then hit my set of 5s against big stacked player, and he hits runner runner 4 to flush with his AJo and i lose more than i won. play top pr top kicker v openender and he hits on river, play my own openender v only 2 over cards and absolutely nothing hits. i know you need to be patient, and as i have written before, i have played and won before, but just cannot get anything going. anyway...
i have also realized that i get stressed chasing the damn bonus and just decided that, screw it! i really like pokerstrategy and dont want to let them down, but i am sick of this slow dance into the nether regions of poker hell with my bankroll. so i play 2 5dollar sng and a 10 dollar one (of course get sucked out while trying to play "real" poker in all of them) and have 4 bucks left. put it on one .1/.2 sh table and go all in a few times and finally get called with TJo v AKo (hit T on flop, he hits K on turn which gives him also flush draw, i hit J on river - double up nr 1). move to another .1/.2 table, first hand on bb i get KK and first to act raises i push of course - at this point as you can prob guess a big part of me wants to lose and get it over with - he calls with 99 (and humorously enuff claims to have "pushed wrong button" - yeah right, but whatever - double up nr 2 after KK holds). now up to 17 or so. put it all on .25/.50 sh table. push with a few including A8o on button, next hand get AKdiamonds and push again - get called by the rockets, flop all diamonds and when board doesnt pair hes drawing dead on the already on the turn (double up nr 3).
so i play good solid poker for hours and hours and get nothing to show for it except a beginning ulcer. say fuck it and start playing total donk poker and go from 4 to 37 in less than 30 min. i know that it wont work forever, but i am telling you, I KNEW I WAS GOING TO WIN THESE HANDS! just like i know when i am going to get crushed by donks when they play against me when i am trying to play "real" poker. i mean, i have played AKs so many times and never come close to hitting the flop the last few weeks, certainly not getting paid with it if i did hit, but go fucktard donk crazy and all of a sudden i am outflopping and donking on pocket aces and hitting miracle rivers and all that good stuff.
sigh... again, i know i am not going to get anyone to say "its not random, you're right". and i dont even know if i believe that. but right now it is DAMN hard to not believe that the program picks up on betting patterns to "juice" the action and help the crazies. i mean, i wasnt pushing with J5o or anything like that, and i got of course several folds that if someone had called they wouldve prob cleaned me out (like i was looking for, especially early in the donkfest), so i was still pushing hands that at least were "decent" drawing hands and not just "any two", and of course monsters. and of course, i couldve gotten called just one time with the 79o by KJs and got crushed and that wouldve been the end of that. but the hands that DID play were all miracle after miracle.
i seriously dont know how to feel about this. play well and get creamed - donk it up and go mega plus. i know it isnt maintainable, but i just cant wrap my head around it anyway.
bottom line is that i ended today at plus 10 on the bankroll. despite playing over 30 bucks in sng's and not cashing any of them and getting stacked 3x on .05/.10 tables playing "quasi" sss (sitting with exactly 2 just feels strange, so i usually sit with a few extra pennies).
comments are of course welcomed, but i know myself that i am not being rational, so please dont cream me for being an idiot. i tilted, got lucky, and have a bankroll to play another day with when i prob shouldnt have. i know this and have to live with it. but feelings are feelings and they are based on experience, and right now my experience from the last several weeks tells me that playing good poker gets punished and playing like a donk gets rewarded. i need to take a serious break now before that thinking dominates me, i guess.
rant over. thank you, pokerstrategy! i really do want to be a member the entire site can be proud of. i hope to get out of my funk soon so that that can be the case. right now i feel like a big joke.
