Have fun hand:
Rage quit today. Certainly not because of this hand, it was first session while 2nd one was insane. After working some on game I felt the fire and went back to grind some more. In 25 min managed to lose 4BI so I call it for today. Overall very happy about today.
Well it was awesome week when it comes to girnd. I did a solid 38h 20min of grind. I know it's not a lot compared to many people but for me it's personal success. As mucha as whole January so far (And I am commited to keep it that way). Three days ago I almost cried during the session, guy came, crushed me, I was losing to him like 4-5 BI in 100 hands, he joined me two times, became my nemesiss a bit, untill it became SIMPLE! I made two extremelly simple adjustments and his whole gameplan was fucked, started to gaining those money back but he decided that he won't give me action anymore. Happens, it's not often happen that I feel soo powerless that I feel crying. Anyway what is past is past.
It's time for me to gain strength. To go as hard as last week and even better. So far it's lame start, only 6h 40min of work this week but I am commited to make it better. What is funny that guy made me feel bad and hand like that didn't bother me, even though it happend some time after him:
Anyway I am grinding too low, for not enough hours, with not enough skill but I am commited to change those stuff. Gl at the tables.
Nice blog, man!
Been grinding some games as well. I am fellow (only hobby mode) poker grinder from Latvia. Been in Poland like 3 times :)) 
Just poppin up to wish some good luck!:f_drink:
p.s.
read your intro post - some good stuff 
@JohnTheGreatest
Thanks, gl as well! Yeah I guess it's a whole bunch of stuff on my blog. I had complete different priorities like 3 times since the beggining of my poker carrier. Have to read it one day as well 
Becuase our govemrante changed some stuff I am putting 100% Playmoney Graph for this month / year.
Last week was brutal. Lost keyboard, almost two, hand is in pain. This week is going to be easier, I did amazing job grinding way more than I usually do, forced myself thorugh a lot and now I need to take a little more sleep and let my mind to regenerate, awesome moment for work on some other stuff. Today rage quited, like 6th time in last 4 days.. Anyway made around 10k Euro playmoney this month or something alike. Wish you get luck at the tables and keep crushing!
Last Few days was quite rough. What I find out I rest best with my working schedule because I have plenty of routines that regenerates me way better than fuc k ing around. Today I am on 75th day of 100 days challenge, the hardest quater in front of me.
Felling great. Waiting for more. Working on game a lot lately. All is going into right direction.
15 days left to finish 100 days challenge, so far it's the best challenge / commtiments when it comes to qualitty, quantitty and life value % qualitty. Saying that, last 1.5 week is very rough, plenty of screaming, plenty of other stuff, huge amount of energy is wasted on fighting with myself on tilt related stuff.
Fe this happen today and yesterday or so:
My desk doesn't hold as good, even though it has only two - three months:
Keyboards also tend to fall apart here and there. Over the last month had like 4 keyboards. Anyway bought something for ~1k PLN I am very happy about quality of this keyboard, it's like tank from keyboards, also I saw that on tilt I tend to attack cheap stuff so I want to save some time on looking for shopping more keyboards.
Got frustarte lately. Becuase of headspace offline bug I've lost my data. Fortunately they were able to check and recover it:
Went to the party with Star Wars theme with GF. First time even had makeup, was trying to emulate Darth Maul. I was looking more like death methal guy / satanist (still awesome) and GF made very fun joke, at least for us... ♦ At the taxi, when old guy (like 80) asked us where are we heading she said "For black mass, to worship Satan, oh sorry, you ment address? At ****** " Guy didn't say anything for whole 40 min trip 
Also ate Kangaroo lately, it has funny taste.
I am done for that month. Got kind of tilted. Not that bad when it comes to playmoney earnings:
With RB, investments (+4k EU) made more than 20k this year of Euro Playmoney. Quite good months, put a lot of hours and I am very glad of my improving winrate, especially that I am battling regs for lobby, and I am spewing here and there. Pretty unhappy about volume though, only 111h at the tables ;<
This was my biggest test so far when it comes to challenge. I do not have commit partner (he decided to quit) I do not have coaching for profit deal. I was working on my own and for myself. I grinded a bit more than 400h but I reminded myself that once I went out to shop for 3-4 min for something to eat and few times I had sex meantime session, while once I did not subtract it (I know I know non professional grinder.... :P). At the begging of those commitments maybe I would be happy about hours I sit at the tables and work I've done but when I think about it I am not. I can do way, way better than that. I can do soo much more and I have to go for it.
In the meantime I was testing something that made me crazy emotional, was cravings and eating sugars, gained 10kg, spewed like crazy and was in between being ill and healthy, it was around December. It made me not able to work for few days but those all are lame excuses. I can do soo much more than I did. I've learned some stuff. I am glad that I was working hard since day 1 I am not happy that in the middle I fucked up but yeah, this is life and I have to improve and grow as a person.
I am thrilled about my future goals, I am can't wait for next 100 days challenge because I feel like this time I really going to kick some ass rather than some lazzy ass job, anyway it will need to wait because in some time we are going to trip to Itally. Kind of excited about that and until than I have to work on some stuff, small fires that I had during commits that had te be done to free up my mind on more important stuff. GL at the tables!
Well this month was completelly deserved failure. After commitments I got lazzy, I woke up 2h latter than usual, I go to bed 4h latter than usuall watching some BS, cut meditation from 20min to 10min daily along with many other stuff like overspending, grinding way less, room renovation, and other silly excuses I ended up having negative balance at the end of the month after my spending. So what I am more than 2k euro bellow EV, so what that I run into many sick spots at nl1k, so what I am running very bad at nl400+ all those are stupid excuses, while the reason is quite obvious I fucked up I got billed by it. I am ready to accept it and work hard to turn things around. I was fucking around and get what I deserved. I am going to make up for that month not once, not twice but three times as much as I fucked up. Since next commits I am going to increase average grind by 5h and I am going to ready for what is comming next. Doing Two Months for around 10k euro Playmoney should make me move forward not backward, even if I spend ~3k euro, I am 2k bellow EV and all that crap, got what I deserved by not working enough.
Today I got a really meaningful moment while playing at the tables. I was battling with very annoying guys for lobby. In my 4h session 3 different people at different softs were my compete with me for lobby and I lost with all of them. I lost because even though they quit me my mindset crushed, for a little bit. I let my ego dictate me how I feel during the battle. I was keep saying over and over again something like: "How, this stupid soon of a bitch, who x/r Flop 20%, steal 100% with Cbets of 80/70/70 and 3bet of 35% can dare to play with me, doesn't he seem I crush him range over range? How can he even fight, she's so stupid" When I was stupid and I was one who lost.
When I don't get to deal cards it doesn't matter how well I am playing or dealing with anything. In his eyes I was a guy who open raise, call 3bet, call Flop, fold Turn like 90% it didn't look like great startegy. Same was with Cbet/Call Flop, Fold Turn. Check/call, Check/Raise, Bet/fold River. I was just huge nit who happens to overfold everywhere. He was doing everything great, maybe he even had hands, hard to say because most runouts was in his favour. I lost because I should just quit and rest, I should let him have lobby for one day and take it the very next day, but well there is the thing. I hate to give up, which is great but now I got played, not by someone but by myself. Today I had very aggressive opponents, for whole 4hours, for ~1800 hands I was under huge pressure, without rest, without breaks. And it's funny, how much I deserve everything I got. I fucked up last month, even though I forget to count like 3.5k Euro withdraw from BR it was still bad month. I want to make it up so I push myself more. I push myself more so I go at the edge more often, one time I am fine the other I fall down. Today I felt down.
It was the first time when I was crying after the session. I didn't have tears but my voice was like person who was crying I was tearing my hairs out and was doing other shit. I hit the edge and it wasn't as bad as I though. Yeah I lost money, 1-3k euro, hard to say. Yeah I injured my hand, my leg, destroyed desk and keyboard. But I am alive, I am doing fine, all I had was just me shaking for 5min, 5 more minutes moaning, than I fight back. Ordered new desk, send email regards keyboard, ordered breakfast (my hand is not super useful, right now, even writing or moving mouse makes pain) so in like 10 min I was again in the game, fighting with myself, fighting for my goals and for my desires. Today happens something that I was always afraid off. After losing few BI in a row. I had a rage quit and was quitting table. During this time 230bb deep I faced 4bet Jam from crazy fish (or reverse bumbhunter) who went nuts everywhere and snapped him with JJ and lost to QQ. After that someone new joined on nl400 with full stack and donk/call, donk Jammed me with Turned Flush, vs mine Top pair Top3rd Kicker + OESD /GS + Overcard on drawy board. Those stuff hapened when I rage quited after next reg was fighting for lobby (5th or 6th) after I lost like 4-6BI to some retard and was at the edge while quitting and I let my daemon take control but I took it all back in literally like 10 min. Know my mistakes, failed last month, world wanted to show me that there is not that easy to turn failure into win and I can get burned while doing it. I guess for the first time in my life I guess I kind of accept it while working on it. I am going to work on it, as I did, if not harder but I am going to keep in mind that I am paying for my mistakes and failures.
On the photo is not that visible but bellow my small finger I have like 3cm bump, that is going to remind me about those lesson for a while, whenever I am going to use my right hand:
Here is how my desk and grind room looks like after my little renovation:
Btw, just brilaint track:
http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=v2Iv1jAQZ5Q#Lo_Air_-_Day_And_Night
Listen it with neighbors for over a week now.
I am very grateful that today I made two session for total of 6.5h. Both session started with losing stacks at nl400+. First session I lost 3BI on nl600. I didn't play perfect BUT I was playing Okeish / Good depending when. Overall it went smoth, yesterday was working on my game. I guess I let the rage go for a while and I am fine doing what I was doing. Still didn't fight for lobby that hard at lower stackes, I wanted to be sharper and more rested when the action came and I was.
Well, didin't write anything for a long. long while. Many stuff happened, this one of these:
Up There:
I was both excited and terrified at the very same time.
The other reason why I didn't write is after I came back I was working very hard, grinding a lot, etc. And just didn't have too much time, yet I am almost done with one project that was real pain in the ass. Also I went wild since last December and gained like 12kg.... I used to have 82.5kg at Decemeber, at 1st of May I had 94.2kg and now 90.3kg (lost mostly water so no big ahs about my cutting fat, since this weak I can really count how it works)
Gridning, finishing my projects and about to start work on my game again in following days.
Wish you GL at the tables
did she say yes? 
i like your block.
It makes me continue dream as a Small-Stakes-Pleb
Not writing anything because working a lot. This month was briliant when it comes to work, last three days at the table WAS ANIHILATION. Deal with it very good, two days were very high quality, high quantity work. Today was quite of more lose day, spend a lot of brilliant time with my fiance (still can't get used to it). Working a lot on my game lately, have to improve because sometimes it's just bad weak and stupid, how can I think about moving up above nl1k without working hard on my game.... Anyway working hard and I am happy about it. Love how I approach diet, exercise and other stuff, tomorrow will check my weight and how much I've gained or lost, anyway for effort I can give myself 4.5/5 and for happy life I can give myself 5/5 since I came back from holidays. Even few anihilations (like 8BI down in 50min or so) everything is fine.
Kind of funny thing about meditation. I stopped giving a fuck about writing to them an email about my streak. I am doing it every single day but it become tooo important for me to check those numbers, I had to refresh this stupid app that doesn't work so well, anyway I think headspace is amazing thing, however not for me anymore, I am going to use it then I am gonna lose it and meditate without it, don't need anyone telling me anything when I want to sit on my ass and think nothing. Also it happend like 4-5 times when I was meditating without internet and I had problems with it, so just fuck it. GL at the tables!
Had two insanelly good days, and two anihilation days. It was funny to realize how I've felt when I won AK vs QJ stackoff on JT3 I told myself with pure honesty, no sarcasm "Wow I won, awesome, I am soo lucky I won". Then I've realize how bad the run had to be, even though it was quite short like week. Anyway keep grinding as much as I can. It sucks that action is smaller because of summer but I have to work anyway. Curios how this month is going to end, one thing for sure, PT4 fucked up my database, I am pissed like hell about that because I've spend good two three days on improving my hud. Two poker rooms stopped working so it's really like pain in the ass with stupid stuff. What I have to strive to do better is do 20min meditation again, I got lazy fuck and doing it 10min daily yesterday it was 548 day in a row but I feel that my mind needs more to be unlcuttered with stuff I am doing.
Anyway I've realize something lately. I was angry at myself that I spend some quality time with GF or that I did something else but on the other hand I've chose to be in a realtionship to have just that. Doing some spontaneous BS that keeps me happy and that makes me feel awesome, I've set some fitness goals that I want to chase to be in good health at my 90ties and after. I am just doing what I programmed myself into so why feel bad about it. I know that I should work and I am working more on average each year, on the other hand I am also spending more quality time with family, friends and GF so everything goes like it should, I just skipp bigger picture here and there. Just like when I am losing. I have 10bb+ winrate on 1kk hands at HU, yet I still react to bad run in non so good manner. Anyway I am glad I am at soo much better peace with myself, because it's still a lot of shit to do.
1) I am very unhappy about my yesterday game btw. At nl400 I had clear Shove Jam AI on the River but somehow was afraid of going for full stack. SUPER SUPER LAME REASON:
2) Yuppi I got my database back!!
