What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?
Bob
What do you call an Asian nailed to the fence?
Pai Ling
Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic after a house fire
What do you call a man on your front doorstep?
Matt
Originally posted by muumionu
a man goes to shop to buy some bread, shop was empty of bread so he bought butter
A man orders a coffee without cream.
The waiter returns and says, "I'm sorry sir, but we have no cream. Would it be acceptable if I served it without milk?"
two mushrooms are rolling downhill, one says "uh i think i´m getting sick"
the other replies "shut up, mushrooms can not talk"
Just telling you guys tihs thread made my day for 2 days in a row, if you got more keep them coming they are great 
Two guy's walk into a bar after work.
They're asked what they want to drink.
One says: "since i'm a chemistry teacher, I'd liker to order some H2O"
The other says: "Yeah, i'd like some H2O too"
Then the drink come and the first one drinks something and enjoys it.
Then the second guy drinks and after a while he falls dead onto the ground
:facepalm:, does the first guy
Boyfriend: Honey, I've nothing to wear -- do you mind if I do my laundry in my underwear?
Girlfriend: Well, if you must, you must -- but it would be quicker in the washing machine.
Whats the difference between peanut butter and jam.
I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
Is it just me, or do you often get half way through eating a horse and then realise that you weren't as hungry as you first thought?
What's large grey and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
What's Forrest Gump's email password?
1forrest1
What did the perverted frog say?
"Rubbit"
Deserves it's own post IMO:
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo Drizzle
I just heard a woodpecker call me a 'paranoid weirdo' in Morse code
my friend was mowing his lawn and just started crying... i asked his missus whats up with him and she replied "hes just going through a rough patch"
i had a dream last night then i was driving round and round a roundabout, my right hand was steering and my left hand was cooking pancakes...... spent all night tossing and turning
A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch. He picks it up and throws it across the street.
A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch.
The snail looks up and says, "What the fuck was that all about?"
Whats round green and helps old ladies across the road?
A brussel scout
What do you call an dinosaur with one eye?
Doyouhinkhesaurus
Doctor doctor I feel like a cowboy...
How longs that been going on for?
About a Ye-ha
What do you call an asian in a dustbin?
Ruma Ging
What do you call a 3 ft black man?
Yardie
Whats worse than a bull in a china shop?
A hedgehog in a condom factory
Sunny 
I :club:seals
A farmer came up to me and said "i have 68 sheep, can you round them up for me?" i said "sure, 70"
Originally posted by ExternalUseOnly
A farmer came up to me and said "i have 68 sheep, can you round them up for me?" i said "sure, 70"
♦ well played!
