stare at your feet the whole time. Mumble all your answers so he cant hear you, when he asks you to repeat your answers look him right in the eyes and repeat yourself really loud and slow like he is an idiot.
If a woman interviews you, keep staring at her breasts and try to mention the word 'motorboat' in every sentence.
Originally posted by delete461
stare at your feet the whole time. Mumble all your answers so he cant hear you, when he asks you to repeat your answers look him right in the eyes and repeat yourself really loud and slow like he is an idiot.If a woman interviews you, keep staring at her breasts and try to mention the word 'motorboat' in every sentence.
this.
wow i've heard of ppl asking for tips how to land a job! not otherwise! well, my contribution:
- cough/scratch ur skin a lot and if he asks, admit that you have a contagious disease.
- fart loudly then ask him if he farted
- ask if company insurance policies will cover getting a sex change
- look suspiciously to the left and right before answering any question
- when he asks the reason why you did something, tell him bec the voices in your head said so
Originally posted by purplefizz
- fart loudly then ask him if he farted
You mean accuse him of farting right? ♦
I have some Ideas, take your pick;
- Never make eye contact, try to look slightly away from them while talking
- Turn up wearing just one Shoe
- Wear very bright (eg. teal) tight jeans/trousers but wear a huge tall-T under your collarred shirt and rock an XXXXXXL hoody at the same time
- Laugh at things that are not funny in a really odd / irritating way
- Keep mentioning how its always been your dream to work in a warehouse (or something weirder), talk about the awesome responsibility you would have for loading goods onto fork-lift trucks and lorries etc. "who wouldn't want to work there?"
- Constantly talk about how heartbroken you are over your ex but how beer nulls the pain
- and as I think someone also mentioned you can constantly talk about poker and gambling too.
You can also play the complete idiot card. When Sacha Baron Cohen was talking about his Ali G character he said it was important to try and get the person he was "interviewing" to realise they were dealing with a complete moron in the first 30 seconds. Try some of his tactics out!
I only have some lame ideas...
-Pick your nose all the time, especially before you shake their hand
-Pretend to fall asleep during the interview
-Wear a diving suit, flippers...
IIJonasII
Don't read all, but... 4 beers ina a bar right before meeting shut do it...
this
and make it 6...
Guys, I'm Russian, beer won't get me drunk. But I appreciate the idea.
Also thinking about demonstrating my mixed martial arts skillz to impress the interviewer, and asking him(/her) to participate.
a) get a drink or two just before the interview, to make sure you've got some smell
b) during the interview, be overly persistent in persuading the interviewer that you do not have any issues with alcohol. any
c) if you still wont be going out the door, take out a flask with vodka out of your pocket, take a sip and offer one for your opponent
since in Russia it might not really work
d) hang around till you hear a police siren - duck and crawl to the window, act all freaked out
P.S. have just checked your profile and found out that you currently reside in Belgium. Please disregard the note about living in Russia.
damn Eaglestar already took my comming late idea. This is brilliant because no matter what excuse you come up with why you are late this highly decreases you're chances of getting the job.
After that you just need to make not that good of an impression and it looked like you tried but you will not get the job.
I don't know who is making you getting the job but you might want to mix up you're strategy so it will not be obvious you're trying to fuck up every job interview ♦
btw you don't need to be drunk just make sure you smell of alcohol. That already should be sufficient in not getting the job
When you are ushered in to the room and asked to take a seat, stride purposefully round to the interviewer's chair and sit down.
Now, gesture impatiently at the remaining (interviewee's) chair and say: "we'll need to be quick about this as I have a Boardroom lunch meeting in 15. Tell me, in two sentences, why you think you are the right man for this job?"
At this point the interviewer should be staring at you, looking confused.
Glance angrily at your watch and say: "No, no, I'm sorry. You're going to have to think on your feet in this position and I just don't see any ability on your part to embrace change or adapt to unfamiliar territory."
Stand up (as if the interview is at an end) and motion towards the door, saying: "Please send in the next candidate on your way out."
This normally does the trick for me.
GL
^
If you can pull that off with a straight face, I'm pretty sure you'd actually get the job.
Originally posted by Hahaownedlolz
Originally posted by purplefizz
- fart loudly then ask him if he farted
You mean accuse him of farting right? ♦
exactly
when they ask you why you want the job tell them you're trying to quit heroin addiction and need something to concentrate on. Then ask if they could lend you some money or pay in advance
Idid thislast week. put the person who hates me the most in theworld as my reference
