I asked my Mom if by any chance I was adopted?
She said - why would we choose you...
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A Chess Grand-master lost a match, then proceeded to destroy the table with a massive hammer.
Next he called down lightning bolts to destroy his opponent's car
He was truly a Thor loser.
I found a penny in my dryer's lint trap, and I can't figure out where it came from.
But that's OK, I love it when things make cents.
And the rest of it...
A yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"
"You yuppies are so materialistic, it's ridiculous" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off."
"Oh, my God!" screamed the yuppie, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"
I stayed on a ranch last weekend, but couldn't really sleep well. Every time I'd drift off, a female horse would whinny and wake me up.
It was a night mare.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
Several people booked a camping trip, but there weren't enough shelters
So some campers left because it was two in tents
Bonus:
Spoiler
Why are Lab-Collie crosses so good in teams?
They're natural Collaboradors
Today's Bonus Joke
I walked by an eye clinic's waiting room today. I didn't go in because everybody there looked kind of funny.
Well that was terrible
Today's bonus joke