I can't believe how thick the snow is out there.
I asked a snowman for the time and he just stared at me.
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A man is saying to his pals on the pub: - Yesterday evening, when I got drunk with you here, a fellow burgled into my flat. -His pals asking: - And what happend after? - He got concussion of the brain, and he lost six pieces of his teeth. My wife namely thought, I was going home drunk, and she belabored him.
An old man is going into the pub:- Give me wine. - What do you want red or white wine? - It isn't matter, I am blind.
Doyle Brunson: "If Patrick Antonius and Gus Hansen stuck their heads out of the window at the same time, would they be arrested for mooning?"
Some guy knocked on my door today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."
I said, "You've got the wrong house then mate."
Roses Are Red
Roses are red
Violets are red
Tulips are red
Bushes are red
Trees are red
Oh my god my garden's on fire
Q: What's the definition of benign?
A: Dat's what you is after you be 8.
Q: What comes after puberty?
A: Adultery.
Originally posted by dannywratten
Why can't you trust an atom?Because they make up everything!
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2am this morning and said, "Dave, I can't fucking sleep."
"Well it's your lucky day," I said, "I've got a party going on in here, come in."
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
Because the cow has the utter.
What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
Does this taste funny to you?
Originally posted by Freeroller14
How do you call an alligator in the west?
an INVESTIGATOR
Epic first post!
More!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kenny Rogers at the shoe repair shop:
Kenny; 'Hi there, I have a wedding to attend in an hour, have you repaired my boots?'
Cobbler: 'I'm sorry Mister Rogers, I've only done the sole, you won't be able to wear them today.'
Kenny: 'Well you picked a fine time to leave me loose heels!'
Originally posted by HollyMichelle
Originally posted by dannywratten
Why can't you trust an atom?Because they make up everything!
Oh come on, that one was good! ♦
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."
Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."
"Yes, I have a family."
"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"
Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a queer... "