For the past 20 years, I've had a Valentines card from a secret admirer.
I was sad I didn't get one this year!
First my gran dies, now this! 
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Wife phoned me: "Three girls in my office just received flowers, they're absolutely gorgeous"
Me: "Thats probably why they received flowers"
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I said "40"
I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It's shift work.
